Why do people get revenge when being wronged? Is it that hard to forgive and forget? Why is the emotion of a human being so unstable? Why does each one react differently to a given situation? Why does "regret" comes later?
I have initiated among my friends the act of giving each one a "feel-good" letter. I have given letters to few of my closest friends and it felt good knowing I was able to pinpoint their strengths. Having given them assurance that they have something good in their hearts made them happy, and that was my intention. I have my demons too, yet I have tried hard to be there to these people when they needed me most and I reiterated that on the letters I wrote to them, eventhough some of these people or most of them done me wrong (some just even recently), i just had to look the better side of their character....and there was only one conclusion in mind, I did forgive and moved on....
I treasure my friends so much...I have always been around them and I couldnt even imagine myself letting anyone of them disappear from my life...but there comes a time in your life that you get hurt so much that you just want to alienate yourself because you cant endure the pain anymore...but not necessarily getting revenge just to make them feel the hurt that they have inflicted on you in the first place. I dont believe in the word "revenge"..it is too hateful and too heavy in the heart...what I do is just stay away....until such time I go numb and that person does not affect me anymore...but the process is quite exhilarating, as I am also wishing to understand the person while nursing the pain..
A friend once told me that he cant let anyone cross him...and if someone does, he will make sure the pain inflicted will be more than what he received. I shot back by saying that it shouldnt be the way it is...he should be more forgiving and instead try to understand where the person is coming from...but his mind is closed on that one...that time while talking to him, I had this terrible feeling that this man is quite lost...and seriously, I was really scared....Scared because I realized then that this person has so much hatred in his system, and scared that he has a very shallow definition of having "friends" or relationships for that matter. It got me to thinking, how far could you go for a friend? How patient should you be and how forgiving should one become? Are friends your friends just for the good times? Cant anyone be accepted at his worst? So if you get revenge, dont you regret hurting that person by just doing the act? What is the right definition of a friendship then? Will the relationship be still the same? How do you categorize your friends? Are there friends just for company? Are friends seasonal, really? Seriously?
What am I to my friends? How do they see me as a person and as a friend? Did I pass their standards to deserve the title and be called a "TRUE" friend? Should I really care what they say, does it really matter?
I dont know the answers to these questions, but what I know is I dont call anyone a friend unless they know me, my life, my thoughts....because for me, what is the use of having so many friends but not anyone even know you inside? I want my so-called friends to be a witness of my LIFE and celebrate it with me...if they dont know who "JUBANG" really is, then they are just acquiantances...and yes, I dont get revenge...I just try to be NICE..thats how I am as "FRIEND"!!!
Monday, March 21, 2011
Friday, February 25, 2011
Identifying a Pathological Liar - (Reposted from Answers.com)
Pathological liars - or "mythomaniacs" - may be suffering from histrionic personality disorder or narcissistic personality disorder. The following comments basically reflect a pathological liar who has the characteristics of histrionic personality disorder.
Some characteristics
1. Exaggerates things that are ridiculous.
2. One-upping. Whatever you do, this person can do it better. You will never top them in their own mind, because they have a concerted need to be better than everyone else. This also applies to being right. If you try to confront an individual like this, no matter how lovingly and well-intentioned you might be - this will probably not be effective. It's threatening their fantasy of themselves, so they would rather argue with you and bring out the sharp knives than admit that there's anything wrong with them.
3. They "construct" a reality around themselves. They don't value the truth, especially if they don't see it as hurting anyone. If you call them on a lie and they are backed into a corner, they will act very defensively and say ugly things (most likely but depends on personality), but they may eventually start to act like, "Well, what's the difference? You're making a big deal out of nothing!" (again, to refocus the conversation to your wrongdoing instead of theirs).
4. Because these people don't value honesty, a lot of times they will not value loyalty. So watch what you tell them. They will not only tell others, but they will embellish to make you look worse. Their loyalty is fleeting, and because they are insecure people, they will find solace in confiding to whomever is in their favor at the moment.
5. They may be somewhat of a hypochondriac. This can come in especially useful when caught in a lie, for example, they can claim that they have been sick, or that there's some mysteriously "illness" that has them all stressed out. It's another excuse tool for their behavior.
6. Obviously, they will contradict what they say. This will become very clear over time. They usually aren't smart enough to keep track of so many lies (who would be?).
Another WikiAnswers contributor adds:
•They lie about even the smallest things. For example, saying "I brushed my teeth today," when they didn't.
•They add exaggerations to every sentence.
•They change their story all the time.
•They act very defensively when you question their statements.
•They believe what they say is true, when everyone else knows it isn't.
An alternate 'checklist':
•Lies when it is very easy to tell the truth.
•Lies to get sympathy, to look better, to save their butt, etc.
•Fools people at first but once they get to know him, no one believes anything they ever say.
•May have a personality disorder.
•Extremely manipulative.
•Has been caught in lies repeatedly.
•Never fesses up to the lies.
•Is a legend in their own mind.
More opinions and input from WikiAnswers contributors:
•I have found a few differences in pathological liar and a "slime ball" liar. Pathological liars cannot tell that they are lying; they actually believe the lie as soon as it comes out of their mouth. They lie about unimportant things that don't really matter to anyone. This can be caused by mental defect but isn't always. Slime-ball liars lie about things that make them look better or embellish to get attention. They also lie to keep their butts out of trouble and to get what they want.
•Here are things to ask yourself: How could this many things happen to one person? Would believe these stories if someone else told you? Think back to the beginning: you had red flags and alarms going off in you head. Learn to trust your instincts.
•It is very hard to tell when one is a pathological liar. Some people just are liars and lie to lie because they can and they don't care about getting caught and aware that you know they have lied. These people care not about lying, it's no big deal. It's like "ok, so what? I lied". The pathological liar on the other hand, IS aware that they are lying BUT will go to extremes to make you believe that they are truthful. They appear to believe their own lies BUT in truth, they know their lies are just that, lies. But because their efforts are constantly backing up their lies, it appears to us that they actually believe their lies, when we eventually do find out about them and then we tend to feel sorry for these people. Then they have an excuse, "I am sick, I don't know why I lie, I believed what I was saying etc." The only truth was the fact that they don't know why they lie. Other than that it's crap. It is true that most of them have an extremely low sense of self worth and are continuously trying to make themselves feel better about THEMSELVES and this is one reason they lie. It is about them but the lies are not always set up with the purpose to hurt some one else; it's that these people feel so low about themselves they need to create ANYTHING different from the ugly reality they feel about themselves so they lie about even the most tiniest little thing. The people closest to them get sucked into these lies which sometimes start as something very trivial and then turn into something that can turn everyone involved worlds upside down and inside out.
•Unmasking the pathological liar is an easier task when the pathological liar is no more than a casual acquaintence to the "un-masker." Close relationships provide camouflage for the pathological liar, and intimacy provides a heavily-fortressed breeding ground.
•Other indicators: 1) Rage attacks after they realize you're questioning their lies. 2) Distraction techniques, e.g. hanging up the phone when you catch them in lie, playing word games, or even just running out of the room. After using the distraction technique, or rage attack, or sometimes both, they will pretend that nothing ever happened. They re-write history, so it never did happen in their minds. Normal people do it too, but these people take it to the extreme.
•From "Go Ask Alice": Lies are unplanned and impulsive. Behavior is repeated over a long period of time. Lies don't seem to exist for any external reason. Behavior may not always be a conscious act. Lies are admitted, changed, and/or adapted if a false story is challenged.
•From Andrea Broadbent "The Truth about Truman": To begin, the definition of pathological actually means abnormal or grossly atypical. Therefore, a pathological liar prevaricates more frequently than the average person or tells more abnormal lies. In most cases, pathological liars tell lies that are "unplanned and impulsive" (Hausman). These lies are usually very emotional stories that tend to serve no purpose except to impress people (Ford 133). As of now, psychiatrists are unsure whether or not pathological liars are fully capable of realizing if and when they are lying, so detecting whether or not a person is a pathological liar is a very difficult task (Hausman). By looking at the list of conditions commonly connected with people considered to be pathological liars, psychiatrists are better able to determine whether or not a person might actually have the disorder. Some main qualities linked with pathological liars include dysfunctional family origin, family lying patterns, anomalies of sexual life, frequent substance abuse, and a great capacity for language.
•From Raymond Lloyd Richmond, Ph.D. "Psychological Honesty": Even a pathological liar carries deep in his heart a desire for goodness and honesty and yet, because of painful emotional wounds, believes that the world never has, and never will, recognize his pain. And so, to hide that pain from himself, he uses all the lies he can concoct to hurl at the world as he runs in fear from his own goodness.
•For me, the first indication has been that I hear them tell different things to different people and they can't all be right, because they directly contradict each other! And I am able to prove it. If you can prove over and over again that things someone is telling you are outright false, then you have a pathological liar on your hands.
With the Internet, it is now easier than ever to "fact-check" even the most mundane things. I think pathological liars often lose track of the lies they tell different people and it will eventually catch up with them.
Read more: http://wiki.answers.com/Q/How_can_you_tell_if_someone_is_a_pathological_liar#ixzz1EwgEFdXO
Some characteristics
1. Exaggerates things that are ridiculous.
2. One-upping. Whatever you do, this person can do it better. You will never top them in their own mind, because they have a concerted need to be better than everyone else. This also applies to being right. If you try to confront an individual like this, no matter how lovingly and well-intentioned you might be - this will probably not be effective. It's threatening their fantasy of themselves, so they would rather argue with you and bring out the sharp knives than admit that there's anything wrong with them.
3. They "construct" a reality around themselves. They don't value the truth, especially if they don't see it as hurting anyone. If you call them on a lie and they are backed into a corner, they will act very defensively and say ugly things (most likely but depends on personality), but they may eventually start to act like, "Well, what's the difference? You're making a big deal out of nothing!" (again, to refocus the conversation to your wrongdoing instead of theirs).
4. Because these people don't value honesty, a lot of times they will not value loyalty. So watch what you tell them. They will not only tell others, but they will embellish to make you look worse. Their loyalty is fleeting, and because they are insecure people, they will find solace in confiding to whomever is in their favor at the moment.
5. They may be somewhat of a hypochondriac. This can come in especially useful when caught in a lie, for example, they can claim that they have been sick, or that there's some mysteriously "illness" that has them all stressed out. It's another excuse tool for their behavior.
6. Obviously, they will contradict what they say. This will become very clear over time. They usually aren't smart enough to keep track of so many lies (who would be?).
Another WikiAnswers contributor adds:
•They lie about even the smallest things. For example, saying "I brushed my teeth today," when they didn't.
•They add exaggerations to every sentence.
•They change their story all the time.
•They act very defensively when you question their statements.
•They believe what they say is true, when everyone else knows it isn't.
An alternate 'checklist':
•Lies when it is very easy to tell the truth.
•Lies to get sympathy, to look better, to save their butt, etc.
•Fools people at first but once they get to know him, no one believes anything they ever say.
•May have a personality disorder.
•Extremely manipulative.
•Has been caught in lies repeatedly.
•Never fesses up to the lies.
•Is a legend in their own mind.
More opinions and input from WikiAnswers contributors:
•I have found a few differences in pathological liar and a "slime ball" liar. Pathological liars cannot tell that they are lying; they actually believe the lie as soon as it comes out of their mouth. They lie about unimportant things that don't really matter to anyone. This can be caused by mental defect but isn't always. Slime-ball liars lie about things that make them look better or embellish to get attention. They also lie to keep their butts out of trouble and to get what they want.
•Here are things to ask yourself: How could this many things happen to one person? Would believe these stories if someone else told you? Think back to the beginning: you had red flags and alarms going off in you head. Learn to trust your instincts.
•It is very hard to tell when one is a pathological liar. Some people just are liars and lie to lie because they can and they don't care about getting caught and aware that you know they have lied. These people care not about lying, it's no big deal. It's like "ok, so what? I lied". The pathological liar on the other hand, IS aware that they are lying BUT will go to extremes to make you believe that they are truthful. They appear to believe their own lies BUT in truth, they know their lies are just that, lies. But because their efforts are constantly backing up their lies, it appears to us that they actually believe their lies, when we eventually do find out about them and then we tend to feel sorry for these people. Then they have an excuse, "I am sick, I don't know why I lie, I believed what I was saying etc." The only truth was the fact that they don't know why they lie. Other than that it's crap. It is true that most of them have an extremely low sense of self worth and are continuously trying to make themselves feel better about THEMSELVES and this is one reason they lie. It is about them but the lies are not always set up with the purpose to hurt some one else; it's that these people feel so low about themselves they need to create ANYTHING different from the ugly reality they feel about themselves so they lie about even the most tiniest little thing. The people closest to them get sucked into these lies which sometimes start as something very trivial and then turn into something that can turn everyone involved worlds upside down and inside out.
•Unmasking the pathological liar is an easier task when the pathological liar is no more than a casual acquaintence to the "un-masker." Close relationships provide camouflage for the pathological liar, and intimacy provides a heavily-fortressed breeding ground.
•Other indicators: 1) Rage attacks after they realize you're questioning their lies. 2) Distraction techniques, e.g. hanging up the phone when you catch them in lie, playing word games, or even just running out of the room. After using the distraction technique, or rage attack, or sometimes both, they will pretend that nothing ever happened. They re-write history, so it never did happen in their minds. Normal people do it too, but these people take it to the extreme.
•From "Go Ask Alice": Lies are unplanned and impulsive. Behavior is repeated over a long period of time. Lies don't seem to exist for any external reason. Behavior may not always be a conscious act. Lies are admitted, changed, and/or adapted if a false story is challenged.
•From Andrea Broadbent "The Truth about Truman": To begin, the definition of pathological actually means abnormal or grossly atypical. Therefore, a pathological liar prevaricates more frequently than the average person or tells more abnormal lies. In most cases, pathological liars tell lies that are "unplanned and impulsive" (Hausman). These lies are usually very emotional stories that tend to serve no purpose except to impress people (Ford 133). As of now, psychiatrists are unsure whether or not pathological liars are fully capable of realizing if and when they are lying, so detecting whether or not a person is a pathological liar is a very difficult task (Hausman). By looking at the list of conditions commonly connected with people considered to be pathological liars, psychiatrists are better able to determine whether or not a person might actually have the disorder. Some main qualities linked with pathological liars include dysfunctional family origin, family lying patterns, anomalies of sexual life, frequent substance abuse, and a great capacity for language.
•From Raymond Lloyd Richmond, Ph.D. "Psychological Honesty": Even a pathological liar carries deep in his heart a desire for goodness and honesty and yet, because of painful emotional wounds, believes that the world never has, and never will, recognize his pain. And so, to hide that pain from himself, he uses all the lies he can concoct to hurl at the world as he runs in fear from his own goodness.
•For me, the first indication has been that I hear them tell different things to different people and they can't all be right, because they directly contradict each other! And I am able to prove it. If you can prove over and over again that things someone is telling you are outright false, then you have a pathological liar on your hands.
With the Internet, it is now easier than ever to "fact-check" even the most mundane things. I think pathological liars often lose track of the lies they tell different people and it will eventually catch up with them.
Read more: http://wiki.answers.com/Q/How_can_you_tell_if_someone_is_a_pathological_liar#ixzz1EwgEFdXO
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Definitions
Delusions of Grandeur
> a delusion (common in paranoia) that you are much greater and more powerful and influential than you really are
> could possibly feature as a symptom of schizophrenia and manic episodes of bipolar disorder
> generally due to excessive pride, rather than any actual delusions.
> A false belief or opinion
> A false belief strongly held in spite of invalidating evidence, especially as a symptom of mental illness
> a mistaken or misleading opinion, idea, belief, etc
> a mistaken or unfounded opinion or idea; "he has delusions of competence"; "his dreams of vast wealth are a hallucination"
> a delusion (common in paranoia) that you are much greater and more powerful and influential than you really are
> could possibly feature as a symptom of schizophrenia and manic episodes of bipolar disorder
> generally due to excessive pride, rather than any actual delusions.
> A false belief or opinion
> A false belief strongly held in spite of invalidating evidence, especially as a symptom of mental illness
> a mistaken or misleading opinion, idea, belief, etc
> a mistaken or unfounded opinion or idea; "he has delusions of competence"; "his dreams of vast wealth are a hallucination"
Monday, February 21, 2011
AFFIRMATION
There's this song by Savage Garden entitled "Affirmation", heard this song only 2 weeks ago when on one of our out of town trips, a very close friend of mine sang this song while telling me that the lyrics of same is something to think about...so I did research on it and found out that this song is philosophising about the inequalities of the world from a liberal minded perspective...it is really quite something coz each line starts with "I BELIEVE..."
At times when I am missing my family so much, when loneliness and anxiety of the future overwhelms me, I think of this song and I feel good again coz I believe, each one of us has a role to fulfill in this planet...by God's grace, we can be something in HIS eyes when we just focus our hearts to doing whats good!!
When Im sad and lonely I just have to recite my AFFIRMATION, and I start this with saying: "I'm THANKFUL"
1. I'm thankful that I'm away from home, it makes me independent and strong.
2. I'm thankful that I'm single, it means I'm available...
3. I'm thankful that my son doesnt stay with me everyday, it means he loves his father as much as he loves me.
4. I'm thankful I dont have computer at home now, it means I have more time to commune with myself.
5. I'm thankful that some of my friends betray me, it tests how loyal I am to them.
6. I'm thankful that I run out of money at times, it means I should learn to spend wisely.
7. I'm thankful that I lost my father at age 26, right age to understand death and welcome it.
8. I'm thankful that only few people sees me and feels me, a lot more would confuse me.
9. I'm thankful that I get lonely at times, it means I'm capable of missing someone.
10. I'm thankful that LIFE is hard, it means I'm living IT!!!
So many ways to be grateful, so many ways to live life,so many ways to write it...but one thing is sure...my AFFIRMATION is strengthened because I have a thankful heart!!! Have a great day all!!
At times when I am missing my family so much, when loneliness and anxiety of the future overwhelms me, I think of this song and I feel good again coz I believe, each one of us has a role to fulfill in this planet...by God's grace, we can be something in HIS eyes when we just focus our hearts to doing whats good!!
When Im sad and lonely I just have to recite my AFFIRMATION, and I start this with saying: "I'm THANKFUL"
1. I'm thankful that I'm away from home, it makes me independent and strong.
2. I'm thankful that I'm single, it means I'm available...
3. I'm thankful that my son doesnt stay with me everyday, it means he loves his father as much as he loves me.
4. I'm thankful I dont have computer at home now, it means I have more time to commune with myself.
5. I'm thankful that some of my friends betray me, it tests how loyal I am to them.
6. I'm thankful that I run out of money at times, it means I should learn to spend wisely.
7. I'm thankful that I lost my father at age 26, right age to understand death and welcome it.
8. I'm thankful that only few people sees me and feels me, a lot more would confuse me.
9. I'm thankful that I get lonely at times, it means I'm capable of missing someone.
10. I'm thankful that LIFE is hard, it means I'm living IT!!!
So many ways to be grateful, so many ways to live life,so many ways to write it...but one thing is sure...my AFFIRMATION is strengthened because I have a thankful heart!!! Have a great day all!!
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Adventure 2011
Last February 13, 2011, birthday girl Issa Regner together with her brother passed by my house to pick me up along with Andy Summers and Kikiw Tanilon. We took the cab and proceeded to the bus terminal. By 730am, we were heading to Tanjay, an hour travel from the city. When we arrived there, we had breakfast at the public market and waited for the couple, Ann Cale and Markymark Bezars to join us to Pamplona. it rained hard so we hired a cab to bring us to Simborio. A 20minute ride with some 10minutes bumpy roads. From the main road, we headed down to the river. I was so amazed to see how wide it is with rocky bed. I told myself, "this is gonna be another helluva lot of adventure"...and I was right!!!
Here's a glimpse of my weekend escapade with friends...
The river that we crossed to reach Simborio, Pamplona - hometown of the birthday girl.
As we were preparing ourselves before crossing the river, I was about to fold my pants as high as I could.
A snapshot of me and Andy Summers ( a very close gay friend)
As we were nearing the other side of the river
We saw a snake that was washed away from the river...sounds scary!
The muddy path leading to the house of Issa Regner.
The birthday girl (in the middle wearing pink dress)with the Pariwara Club members.
Let's BOLT in!!!
Going the farther route to avoid rising water from the river. Passed this sugarcane field.
Walked barefoot as it was so slippery. Are those my feet?
Tiptoed on this old railbridge....planks are loose and no siderails to hold on to!!!
After walking past coconut laden path, muddied rice and sugarcane plantations, trekked uphill and tiptoed on the bridge, we have reached this cemented road with a structure that is good for posing...:-)
I have not posted here pics when we played poker ( I won together with Andy, beating the couple Ann and Mark)... lol..Tequila shots, videoke singing, dancing with the old ones, laughing out loud with jokes being passed around, our faces when we reached back the highway and finally onboard the bus going back to the city. The post party dinner and recap get-together ( another party actually with same cast)....you couldnt imagine how tired we were reaching our respective homes, but the smile on our faces lingered til now ...... :-)
Til next birthday...
Here's a glimpse of my weekend escapade with friends...
The river that we crossed to reach Simborio, Pamplona - hometown of the birthday girl.
As we were preparing ourselves before crossing the river, I was about to fold my pants as high as I could.
A snapshot of me and Andy Summers ( a very close gay friend)
As we were nearing the other side of the river
We saw a snake that was washed away from the river...sounds scary!
The muddy path leading to the house of Issa Regner.
The birthday girl (in the middle wearing pink dress)with the Pariwara Club members.
Let's BOLT in!!!
Going the farther route to avoid rising water from the river. Passed this sugarcane field.
Walked barefoot as it was so slippery. Are those my feet?
Tiptoed on this old railbridge....planks are loose and no siderails to hold on to!!!
After walking past coconut laden path, muddied rice and sugarcane plantations, trekked uphill and tiptoed on the bridge, we have reached this cemented road with a structure that is good for posing...:-)
I have not posted here pics when we played poker ( I won together with Andy, beating the couple Ann and Mark)... lol..Tequila shots, videoke singing, dancing with the old ones, laughing out loud with jokes being passed around, our faces when we reached back the highway and finally onboard the bus going back to the city. The post party dinner and recap get-together ( another party actually with same cast)....you couldnt imagine how tired we were reaching our respective homes, but the smile on our faces lingered til now ...... :-)
Til next birthday...
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Tainted Name, Tainted LIFE?
My realization of how my father was so loved by many came too late, only knew about it at the time of his funeral. Church congregation and its members, friends, relatives from near and afar and people who we didn't even know were there to pay their respects to the man who had a good laugh and who lived a good life...for everybody else!!!
My father was a people person, he always loved company...he initiates parties, and he loved it!. He always loved the good time, he works and then rewards himself just as how hard he worked. He was awfully generous, to a fault...but that's how he lived...always ready to help, always compassionate, always there...his presence around was very commanding....a person you wouldn't want to mess with...but as friendly as he was, he was also very hard to please...his mind worked all the time, for the good of the many. To this day, I am still and very proud of my Dad...he didn't get a college degree, but he provided well for us...he didn't get to be a public servant, but he acted like one to his friends, relatives and family. He didn't get to live long, but in our hearts his good deeds ran a million miles....that's how my father was, he lived simply but with honor. He died honorable to me, to my family and to the people who knew him...
What an irony to the controversy that the AFP Generals are involved in right now. Those men in uniform have sweated out blood and tears to reach their positions to where they are right now, yet, with these anomalies hurled upon them, the long years of schooling, recognitions are down the drain...tarnished and tainted...
The battlecry of our president now is "Kung walang corrupt, walang mahirap" meaning if there's no corruption in the government then nobody is poor. This controversy have rocked the reputation of the Armed Forces of the Philippines, supposedly the very body who could protect the citizenry from harm...but what a shame is this?! The public funds that ended up in the pockets of AFP officials and their families could have been used to enhance AFP’s capacity to fight insurgents, fund its modernization program, and improve the conditions of ordinary Filipino soldiers. Those soldiers whose lives are wasted battling terrorists, criminals and etc...worse to know that within them, the leaders are eating them away...not even a morsel to pick on...what a shame!!!
How could a man with a very high position just waste his name on the name of money? Why is having lots of money important to people who arent even in dire need of it? is this really the life we all want to live? Why is enough not enough?? These generals should be ashamed of themselves...using funds for their whims....what a shame it is!!!
Now I am wondering, what could be the children of these generals be thinking now? Well, my advise::: change your names FAST!!! Unless, you are your father's son/daughter in words and deeds, then shame on you!!!
Im just thankful my Dad is not a general, but a man who has honored his name and in turn, honored us his children!!!
My father was a people person, he always loved company...he initiates parties, and he loved it!. He always loved the good time, he works and then rewards himself just as how hard he worked. He was awfully generous, to a fault...but that's how he lived...always ready to help, always compassionate, always there...his presence around was very commanding....a person you wouldn't want to mess with...but as friendly as he was, he was also very hard to please...his mind worked all the time, for the good of the many. To this day, I am still and very proud of my Dad...he didn't get a college degree, but he provided well for us...he didn't get to be a public servant, but he acted like one to his friends, relatives and family. He didn't get to live long, but in our hearts his good deeds ran a million miles....that's how my father was, he lived simply but with honor. He died honorable to me, to my family and to the people who knew him...
What an irony to the controversy that the AFP Generals are involved in right now. Those men in uniform have sweated out blood and tears to reach their positions to where they are right now, yet, with these anomalies hurled upon them, the long years of schooling, recognitions are down the drain...tarnished and tainted...
The battlecry of our president now is "Kung walang corrupt, walang mahirap" meaning if there's no corruption in the government then nobody is poor. This controversy have rocked the reputation of the Armed Forces of the Philippines, supposedly the very body who could protect the citizenry from harm...but what a shame is this?! The public funds that ended up in the pockets of AFP officials and their families could have been used to enhance AFP’s capacity to fight insurgents, fund its modernization program, and improve the conditions of ordinary Filipino soldiers. Those soldiers whose lives are wasted battling terrorists, criminals and etc...worse to know that within them, the leaders are eating them away...not even a morsel to pick on...what a shame!!!
How could a man with a very high position just waste his name on the name of money? Why is having lots of money important to people who arent even in dire need of it? is this really the life we all want to live? Why is enough not enough?? These generals should be ashamed of themselves...using funds for their whims....what a shame it is!!!
Now I am wondering, what could be the children of these generals be thinking now? Well, my advise::: change your names FAST!!! Unless, you are your father's son/daughter in words and deeds, then shame on you!!!
Im just thankful my Dad is not a general, but a man who has honored his name and in turn, honored us his children!!!
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Anatomy of an ADDICT....up close and personal
Every person at one point of their lives may be exposed to drug temptation or experimentation. There are people you know that may have experimented with drugs in the past but did not become addicted. However, there are some people that may have experimented with a certain drug one or two times and became addicted. You may be wondering why this is. I have always wondered why?
I had my share of "curiosity" with drugs. I smoked pot few times, had laugh trip, food trip and everything was just slow. I did the "poor man's cocaine", the first time i did it, it did defeat the alcohol effect til morning, made me talk more and more, made me sweat and lost my appetite. The next time I did it, it has no effect at all. I can stay all night without it, I can control my alcohol intake without it, and I am in born talkative, so its effects are normal for me. I did cough syrup, all it did was raise my hair on my nape...and slowed me down. I am telling this because I want to emphasize that even if I tried these forbidden and dangerous drugs, it did not gave me sensational feelings...I thought drugs could turn you to be the person you always aspire to be, so thinking I would be a SUPERWOMAN, i did it...but as Ive said, it failed me....I am still a SUPERWOMAN the way i am, in few other ways!!!
So what about other people? I know of someone who has been taking drugs since he was in high school. He is very dear to my heart and every time I talk to him, I try hard to read his mind on why is he so addicted to it when all he does is complain about its ill effects to him physically. He doesn't go to school anymore, the most untrustworthy in their family according to his mom, his friends are the people with questionable characters...most of his stories of friends are those in jail, killed or raped because of drugs....His life is sure going downhill. I tried hard to put sense in his mind, but because he is very young, I doubt if the things i said to him ever came across even an inch to his brain. I care for this man, though he never showed deeper interest in me, he has always been a good sight to behold. I love it when he could laugh at himself, I love making a day pass by that he could be drug free. I have realized I failed in doing so...He became too familiar with me that he could even tell straight to my face lies he could muster. And I realized I failed him too, I wanted to give him the care he couldn't get from anyone else, just so he would realize that LIFE is STILL BEAUTIFUL..that he could still mend his ways and start again...He did and stopped drugs for the same woman...He stopped because he fell in love with her and when she dumped him, he went back to his old ways. Maybe he is emotionally weak to stand firm on his ground, maybe he acts if motivated, so when the motivating factors ebbed, so went his will.
There are many different factors that play a role in drug addiction. Better understanding what these are can help us make more sense out of what we have seen or experienced oourselves. There are certain genes that may actually make someone more likely to use or abuse drugs as they grow. Biology is a very complex subject, each one of us react differently to a given situation. So the chemical/anatomical structure of a person could be one factor. Another factor is the person's environment. Someone that is around drugs most of their lives will be more likely to experiment. Just like parents who speaks French, will likely to have a family who will be speaking French their whole lives. If they also have the genes that make them more susceptible to drug abuse then they may be facing a large battle. Think about it, if you are watching someone use drugs on a daily basis then you may grow up thinking that it is normal and acceptable. Along with environmental factors, it could crop out from one person's LIFE experiences, it could be about stress and abuse. These factors may make someone more willing to drugs or alcohol as a way to hide from their problems. Mental illness or other emotional disorders can be found as factors for some people because the drugs are often used as a way to self medicate. This can be very hard to break, especially if their environment is full of drugs and they are not surrounded by positive support systems. This can be how the drug abuse starts. Then, it becomes an inappropriate coping skill and an addiction. And I think that's how it is for my dear friend, he uses drug to COPE with life..for his ineptness, for his loneliness, for his way to REACH OUT!! And I guess, nobody understood him any way he would want to be.
So how do you help someone who is an ADDICT? Would you cater to his ways and let him cope the way he knows how? Or would you put your foot down and be hard on him? Can you use tough love? Would an addict recognize the difference between genuine care or nor? Would he be able to appreciate and make it as his driving force? What if you cant tell if he is an addict or not? Who can make him stop? Would another woman he might fall in love with make miracles? How far would you go caring for an addict? Lastly, are ADDICTS capable of really loving? Think about that the next time that you encounter someone that is dealing with a drug addiction.
I'm still thinking until now....
I had my share of "curiosity" with drugs. I smoked pot few times, had laugh trip, food trip and everything was just slow. I did the "poor man's cocaine", the first time i did it, it did defeat the alcohol effect til morning, made me talk more and more, made me sweat and lost my appetite. The next time I did it, it has no effect at all. I can stay all night without it, I can control my alcohol intake without it, and I am in born talkative, so its effects are normal for me. I did cough syrup, all it did was raise my hair on my nape...and slowed me down. I am telling this because I want to emphasize that even if I tried these forbidden and dangerous drugs, it did not gave me sensational feelings...I thought drugs could turn you to be the person you always aspire to be, so thinking I would be a SUPERWOMAN, i did it...but as Ive said, it failed me....I am still a SUPERWOMAN the way i am, in few other ways!!!
So what about other people? I know of someone who has been taking drugs since he was in high school. He is very dear to my heart and every time I talk to him, I try hard to read his mind on why is he so addicted to it when all he does is complain about its ill effects to him physically. He doesn't go to school anymore, the most untrustworthy in their family according to his mom, his friends are the people with questionable characters...most of his stories of friends are those in jail, killed or raped because of drugs....His life is sure going downhill. I tried hard to put sense in his mind, but because he is very young, I doubt if the things i said to him ever came across even an inch to his brain. I care for this man, though he never showed deeper interest in me, he has always been a good sight to behold. I love it when he could laugh at himself, I love making a day pass by that he could be drug free. I have realized I failed in doing so...He became too familiar with me that he could even tell straight to my face lies he could muster. And I realized I failed him too, I wanted to give him the care he couldn't get from anyone else, just so he would realize that LIFE is STILL BEAUTIFUL..that he could still mend his ways and start again...He did and stopped drugs for the same woman...He stopped because he fell in love with her and when she dumped him, he went back to his old ways. Maybe he is emotionally weak to stand firm on his ground, maybe he acts if motivated, so when the motivating factors ebbed, so went his will.
There are many different factors that play a role in drug addiction. Better understanding what these are can help us make more sense out of what we have seen or experienced oourselves. There are certain genes that may actually make someone more likely to use or abuse drugs as they grow. Biology is a very complex subject, each one of us react differently to a given situation. So the chemical/anatomical structure of a person could be one factor. Another factor is the person's environment. Someone that is around drugs most of their lives will be more likely to experiment. Just like parents who speaks French, will likely to have a family who will be speaking French their whole lives. If they also have the genes that make them more susceptible to drug abuse then they may be facing a large battle. Think about it, if you are watching someone use drugs on a daily basis then you may grow up thinking that it is normal and acceptable. Along with environmental factors, it could crop out from one person's LIFE experiences, it could be about stress and abuse. These factors may make someone more willing to drugs or alcohol as a way to hide from their problems. Mental illness or other emotional disorders can be found as factors for some people because the drugs are often used as a way to self medicate. This can be very hard to break, especially if their environment is full of drugs and they are not surrounded by positive support systems. This can be how the drug abuse starts. Then, it becomes an inappropriate coping skill and an addiction. And I think that's how it is for my dear friend, he uses drug to COPE with life..for his ineptness, for his loneliness, for his way to REACH OUT!! And I guess, nobody understood him any way he would want to be.
So how do you help someone who is an ADDICT? Would you cater to his ways and let him cope the way he knows how? Or would you put your foot down and be hard on him? Can you use tough love? Would an addict recognize the difference between genuine care or nor? Would he be able to appreciate and make it as his driving force? What if you cant tell if he is an addict or not? Who can make him stop? Would another woman he might fall in love with make miracles? How far would you go caring for an addict? Lastly, are ADDICTS capable of really loving? Think about that the next time that you encounter someone that is dealing with a drug addiction.
I'm still thinking until now....
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