Blessed!

Life has been difficult this year, my business is not doing good, my daytime job is still the same, my family faced one crisis after the other and my personal life in roller coaster ride. I would have given up a long time ago if not for my friends who I think are constantly looking after my welfare without my knowledge. It must have been their prayers to God that keeps me STRONG all this time.

My friends are my pillars of strength next to my family. They are the ones who patiently listen to my woes, and not to mention that I have lots to share. (Whew!) I am so blessed to have them around, they give me constant watch and though sometimes I deviate from their advice, they still love me anyway.

I want to acknowledge their important presence in my life, this is my way to thank them for the love and care they are giving me through the years.

Special mention to Jovicar Juntilla who keeps me sane and well, insane most of the time though (I know right?). She doesnt fail to understand me, she patiently swallows my rants and raves. She is always there to rescue me in time of despair and in times of laughter. She always make me feel I have a sister to lean on to especially lately when I am feeling so down and lost.I owe you a lot Apangs, and please know that I will always love and cherish you forever.

I also want to thank Ann Cale and Mark Anthony Besario for keeping me in their wings when I had nowhere to go to. I appreciate the fact that you both did not think twice to have me in your apartment when I was in need of a house. Your daily presence keeps me going. They are one couple that I could share my fears regarding relationships yet they dont judge me when I have one. Thank you!

Next to thank for are friends from Cebu who gave me courage to face my demons and have shown their support by their messages of love in Skype, SMS and FB. I appreciate the fact that even if we are far apart, they made me feel they are just around. Thank you Sheila and Ryan for reminding me that true friends do not measure distance and absence, friends truly can move mountains. I love you both!

One constant companion of mine here in Dumsville is Kirk Tanilon, someone who can make me laugh even in the middle of my hysteria. He can touch every inch of my moods yet he is easy to be with. I appreciate your company Kiw, please know that!

There is also Angie and Faye who are my BFFs for such a long time now. They accept me for what I am and for what I am not. Sometimes I wonder how long could they stand up for me, but I am assured by the fact that it has taken our friendship this long to let doubt set in. So, I am lulled every night to sleep with the thought that I have true friends in them! Thank you Manang Faye and OA!

And a surprise blessing from God when HE gave me a reader of my blogs who appreciate them and let her thoughts known to me. You know who you are, my new TITA. Thank you for bringing the inspiration back to the writer in me despite my predicament now. I appreciate what you told me that you are reading every word of my blogs so carefully to assimilate them. I am truly grateful that it gives you comfort whenever I write. I too have lost someone so dear to me, and because of you I want my Dad to know that he will never be forgotten.It's the people like you that keeps me going!

I may be sad now, I may be nursing a broken heart - but I will never give up on my happiness because with my friends around, I know I am truly BLESSED!

The THIN Line

When your lies become the very core of your reasoning power, eventually you will get lost along the way. When the lies are starting to get exposed, there is no stopping it anymore. And then it becomes really scary.....and worst part is....you cant see the thin line between the lies and the truth anymore.

I have just discovered a hay full of lies that I cant even find a single strand of truth within it. Its really a pity to know a person could web so much lies just to survive...especially if that person is the one you give your trust wholeheartedly.

Call it whatever you want...deceit, hoax, scam, fraud...whatever it may be, it feels the same....it hurts and it is painful. Really PAINFUL. I would have wallowed in self-pity with the betrayal but then I have realized that I cant be crashed down by those lies, instead I used them to help myself set the road ahead and rise above it!

It was one lesson learned, but hey, I love to learn, even if it was hard. I am still thankful that I have known about it before it could drown me. And now Im relieved, there is no other great feeling than being liberated from it.

I may have lost one person that I thought matched the feelings that I had, but then, I would not run after someone who just showed me what a pathetic life he has. If I went on with it, I would have been as pathetic as he is...so never mind my crying at nights, never mind the feeling of emptiness whenever a sweet memory strikes, never mind the little gestures of love I miss....for all I know, they were all part of the LIES.

Life surprises us with different packages...I got one huge package of LIES...but its okay, as long as I can give the opposite of what I received. It will not change the way I am nor the way I see LOVE...shit happens, and if it does, you just need to clean it up and wash them away...no big deal!

Well, Im on the road to recovery now...leaving one lie after the other...I am confident that before I hit the intersection, all lies are forgotten...and so the man who caused it. Once I reach the crossroads, I know the thin line of truth will be clearly visible..Have a great weekend everyone!

His mother's favorite song

Crazy I'm crazy for feelin so lonely I'm crazy Crazy for feelin so blue I knew You'd love me as long as you wanted And then someday You'd leave me for somebody new Worry Why do I let myself worry Wondrin What in the world did I do Crazy For thinkin that my love could hold you I'm crazy for tryin And crazy for cryin And I crazy for lovin you (Repeat Last Verse)

Myself as a Writer

I don't really consider myself a professional writer. I even don't have big words to make my article look classy and what is worse sometimes is I don't even have enough words to say. I write because I love it. I write to vent out my feelings, because often than not writing relieves me from being upset or depressed. Writing is my therapy, and a very effective one at that.

Since I was a little girl, I have always been passionate about writing. I have been a diary-girl almost all my growing up years, even until now, I still have a diary with me, eventhough I don't write much on it, it is still a constant companion wherever I go.

My thoughts sometimes betray me, so I write them down on my diary. Whenever I like a song I hear, I write the title down. Whenever I travel, I write the chronicles of events in an outline form on my diary. Whenever I am hurting, my diary is my listening ear.

Writing for me is a better way to keep my emotions well-balanced than drowning myself in pity. As I have said, it gives me relief from pain, from too much worry and from being bothered. Once I write my thoughts, a sudden magical feeling envelopes me afterwards. That's how good it is to write for me.

Now that I write for money, I sometimes feel I have lost the magic. I often ask myself, is it because I just write to earn or is it because I am too pre-occupied with other things? Am I not inspired enough to finish a 450-word article on time? When I started with my writing contract, I could finish 5 to 10 articles a DAY, but lately I can only finish 10 in a WEEK. How come my fingers are now too heavy to tick the keys? Is my passion for writing dwindled already?

Now that I'm writing this entry, I have come to realize that WRITING isn't just a process of pouring out my thoughts on things, but it is also a process of pouring out my emotions. That explains the fact that I do get a hard time writing about dental implants, business plans and what not?

I write because I want to share something of me and something that I have strong conviction about. If I keep writing about same topic everytime, the very essence of writing gets lost. That explains why my fingers do not do the walking along with my brain.

I have realized that I am not a writer for money, but a writer by heart. I realized that I write because I love it and not because I can make money out of it. With that realization, I have put my mind at ease and told myself that it is just okay to write 10 articles in a week than write a hundred without my heart in it.

I owe it to the readers to find a good article to read and I owe it to my employer to get the best of me, so I will now write easy and be a writer that I really am. To hell with bonuses and rankings, for G's sake, I am a writer and not anyone's contender!

Why cant you?

You are such a coward....too afraid to face the truth.
You are such a thief...you took me by surprise.
You are so dense...something so hard to penetrate.
You are so childlike..something I am in many ways.

Why can't you be the brave man who can ease my trouble?
Why can't you be the superhero who can bring back my possessions?
Why cant you be sensitive to the yearnings of my heart?
Why cant you be mature at times so we can talk like adults?

You are such a beautiful creature...always amazes me with your antics.
You are such a sweet liar....you think you can get away with anything.
You are so shallow...even a senseless old movie can tickle you no end.
You are not me...so don't make me like you.

But I cant make you ugly just because I hate loving you.
I cant make you fly and save me from being wretched.
I cant make you run deep, because you are deep enough.
I cant make you appreciate me, so why cant you be me?

Why cant you be all the things I want?
Why cant you be all the things I dreamed of?
Why cant you be the man of my dreams?
Why cant you be just right, tell me?

days of GLORY

Kizoa slideshow: Days of GLORY - Slideshow

Dearest Nick,


Happy Birthday Nick. I wish you will find a way to put back that smile permanently on your face. I want you to know that for the short time I have known you, I have come to appreciate you. You were timidly funny and very sweet. My Bora experience would have been a lot different without you in it, so thank you for coming with us. I really do hope that we were able to make an impact in your life.
You are now 31, where are you headed Nick? What are your goals in life? How do you want to achieve it? I don’t question the kind of work you do, in fact, for people like you in that business, I salute you for taking the risks. It takes a lot of guts to do what you do, it’s not a crime, and it’s not a sin…so I have my respects intact on you as a person.

The first time we were together I thought it was just out of sheer fun. We didn’t even talk that much, only having a good time. The second time was kind of special as we were together for couple of days. I have seen how you become so silent when you are hungry, talkative when full or equally childlike when you tinker with things. The short time we spent on the beach while waiting for our barbecue was magical as you have shared a little of your life with me and that smile…I have seen you SMILE!
I know you are a good person Nick, I know that you have a good heart, because you have sacrificed to be away from your daughter and family just to be able to earn a living for them. I know you have gone through rough roads in life, and I know you love deeply. Don’t let those hardships take you down, use it as your weapon to do better. Remember the lines from your favorite song; you have got something to BELIEVE in!

You are someone special to me Nick, really special. It is not because you can gyrate perfectly as Mr. Boombastic, but because you are YOU! I still have so many things I want to tell you, but that would be too selfish for me to rob you off of the opportunity to spend your birthday without worries. I don’t ever want to cause you more problems than what you are having now.

So here’s something I have compiled to thank you for the sweet memories I had with you. Those times I held your hand, those nights I held you tight in my arms and those moments I gave you my smile were not for a SHOW Nick, they were REAL feelings from me and the very same reasons I am smiling. I won’t ask if you ever felt the same way for me because you might give me a different answer, so I will just content myself by believing what I believe now….that those days were the best days of my life. God, you just don’t know how much I miss those times and how much I am missing you now. 

Nick, I wish you joy and I wish you LOVE. Happy Birthday again Nick, don’t forget that you are and will always be my BABY!

Take care,

Jubang

Captured joy

Memories of this photo go beyond the minute of the shot. It is worth the countless times I spent daydreaming, the sacred time I spent praying for you and the time reliving it all.

I owe it to you for making me smile beyond no reason at all! Thank you Nick for the sweet memories!