SINGING BEES

The Final Performance

I woke up this morning and the sun was gone

Started to look for Mr. Moon, but its nowhere in line

Im not sure if the morning has come

I want to close my eyes and just be calm


I told myself

I cant die inside yet

I am a cat, nine lives is what Im threading

My heart is racing…but my brain is diving.


Am I still dreaming?

And silently crying?

I need to know now.

No more words can make me say wow!


But take your time….take it slow

Break your silence…spit it blow by blow

This is your time, make it clear

Coz I don’t want to shed one more tear.


Let the show begin tonight

Let the drama take its final flight.

The bell already rang.

The songs have been sung.


I want to lie down my bed again

And just dream of what might have been

Where everything is happy.

Where there’s you and me.


So please say goodbye now.

And let’s take our final bow.

No more drama, dont do another encore.

And Give this performance the real score!

My PIG-langga...

His eyes are windows to my heart.
His hands are the bridge to my being.
His feet leads me to the right path.
His heart is as pure as the winter snow.



He is definitely my Sunshine on cold chilly nights.
His hugs keep me warm at night.
His smile is like a ray of sun.
His giggles are my inspiration.



My epitome of happiness.
The reason that I want to live.
The reason that I want to be better.
The significant other of my life, my joy, my SON!

I love you so very much my dear PIG-langga!

another busy SUNDAY

This was one day full of work...As soon as I woke up, I prepared breakfast for Kirk and me. Zach wasnt able to eat bcoz his papa picked him up early to attend the Sunday service. Kirk practiced typing again as i was doing my chores. We talked and laughed while we ate...I continued finding work around the house while Kirk went back to typing...I loaded some laundry, cleaned umbrELLA's bed ( my beautiful doggie), folded some clothes while checking Kirk's progress from time to time. He was in the range of 27 - 30 wpm, so I kept pushing him to practice more. At around lunchtime, I told him to take a break and talked about our diet...so right then and there, we decided that we should take it seriously...I prepared some coleslaw and tuna spread, then we ate it with crackers and Thai tea. The tea was refreshing, I tell you.

I kept seeing Garrett going on and off early on...so we also talked about him too. As to what,-------- SECRET!!!! Later, I had a chance to chat with cool old fart Bill and we had few laughs....especially when I began teasing him...(hehehe)..

Anyways, I also did some online booking for some friends...( yes, I am the designated travel agent of my friends....so, should I open a ticketing agency???) I messed up one booking though, but the problem is I cant have it changed anymore since the flight is already confirmed, unless they will pay the rebooking fee which they wont.....( now Im having second thoughts of opening that TICKETING AGENCY!!!)

After lunch, I asked Kirk same questions that were asked of me during my final interview..( for those who do not know, I applied for another job last week, took the series of exams one after the other for one whole day, and was lucky enough to pass the final interview too...yippeee!) Soon enough, I got tired and let Kirk check his blogs or whatever..and i watched tv....but then, the electric went out...so we took some chairs on my garage, pour some glasses of cold Thai tea and we just talked and talked while playing with umbrELLA. The power outage was taking forever so I decided to clean my garage, Kirk followed lead and trimmed my carabao grass both at the back and side of my yard. We then trimmed the jackfruit tree and really cleaned the place up...I could feel the sweat dripping, wetting my underarms, my neck....and that hmmmm, never mind...

Okay, so much about that grass trimming and sweating......the power came back at 630pm...I missed some Sunday shows...but its ok coz it gave me time to clean my backyard...we now feel so stingy, filthy and stinky..but Kirk still needed a lot of practice at the pc, so he want back to that, while I washed some dishes and again prepared our meal...( didnt I tell you, I am also the designated cook of this household???)

We also watched a mushy movie.....awwww! Then later in the evening, I told Kirk to buy us some beers and food so that we can celebrate his bday (ummmm, what happen to the DIET, may I ask???)...( BTW, his BIG day is tomorrow yet)....

This time we were the MUSHY ones..Kirk shared his insecurities...as a person, as an out-of-school-youth now and as a GAY...I felt for him..so i cried too..huhuhu...we managed to laugh in between the sobs though...and thats one thing I thank Kirk for..he makes my life one notch lighter, easy and bright...He is like Sunshine in the middle of snowstorm...ooppps, I think that phrase is patented to someone I know...

Well, thats it! my ever busy SUNDAY!!! Good night Zach, good night all

How Ironic

How ironic....
You had me at hello
But you left without saying goodbye
You said you love me
But you want to be hated by me

How ironic
You said you despise losing me
But it is I that is losing you
You have overpromised
But yet you underdelivered

How ironic
You have brought too much joy in my heart
But now have caused so much tears in my eyes
My friends told me Im lucky to have found you
But the same ones who told me to leave you

How ironic
You said to have faith in you
But it is you who doesnt have faith in us
I dread the day that I will learn to hate you
Yet my days are filled by still loving you.


How ironic
You said you ache for me
Yet you are with somebody other than me
I hope this pain I feel will pass me by
Because its so ironic that the more I cry a river
The more I realize I have already loved you forever....

GRRRR!!!

I hate my afternoon. I was put under the spotlight. Too hot. Too tense. I hate the person that caused this. I hate to defend myself for nothing. I hated it, really. The pressure is mounting. It suffocates me. It should stop. I hated the fact that I am in a pit. No way out. Its choking me.

This person has caused me so much grief. So much anxiety. I am learning to hate...really HATE. And I hate feeling this way. Im not this kind of person. I am NOT!

I hate writing this blog, I really do. But i have to let it out. Spit it out. I cant contain my hatred. I am losing my patience.

I need to unwind. Relax. Think Happy Thoughts, like Peter Pan. I need an antidote to my hatred...its toxic, its scary.

Give me a BREAK!

I Love You????

I wrote this blog a year ago on my Yahoo 360. Im reposting this here as my entry today:

Its 151am, I just woke up and found out I got tons of emails...I was hoping Id get one that would perk up my eerie midnight...but all I got were forwarded ones and of a bulk share of spams.....those that tell you you won in the lottery or the mushy stories of someone died and their money is somewhere that you are the only trusted person who can access to it...URGGGH, please...had enough of that already, do better next time please.

As usual, on this time of the day I prefer to be in my solemn ground. I find solace just reading interesting blogs of other people and learn from it..Yeah, its a good therapy, something that awakens your senses, whether it was just a nonsense blog or more of a bit serious stuff, its still a good dose. Its funny that you get to know one person by the blogs they write, and there's this feeling that you have known them forever, yet you dont even know the very basic information about that person. Hah...the irony of it....

Yesterday, I was offline for most of the day, but I was on SMS and I received a message from someone who I just conversed with for only ONE TIME..his message went like this: " Hey, sweet, where have you been all day. Waited for you an hour but you were offfline. I love you and I miss you. I will talk to you soon". Goodness, how can someone say that when we just talked ONCE? And if I may recall accurately, we just talked for less than an hour...the usual, in troductions...whats your name, what do you do...blah, blah, blah...I replied with "Hey, you dont love me...you dont even know me" and he was quick to reply with " How say I dont love you, its not my fault. I have a strange feeling for you so love is in the air" .....WHOAH, hold on a minute....you got me thinking there...Is love at first chat possible? Well, couldnt blame this guy really....too pretty to be not admired..( Hahahaha, that got you huh!)...Wow...hes got strange feelings for me...To date, I cant anymore count the times I get these confessions...they all love me...wow! There's that nagging question again of when does one say " I love you" and mean it????? I cant believe these three magical words are being so used freely on net, to the point that it sounds abusive. There's too much flattery, too much smooth talking, too much superficial elation. I wish I get callous to all these, but hey, it sometimes make my day...Im just human, guilty of needing approval and appreciation. But I know better now....I will take the challenge of various shades of love armed with wisdom and care, and as I go along the journey, I will make sure, it has a rightful end.

So lets take the ride of life and love with glee, chase the clouds of golden heartbeats...even if there are shadows of darkness at times, just know that we can always rise from the ashes and be brand new again...Love is free but it takes a lot of effort and determination to make it worth your while...so please, next time make sure you do really feel it, before giving it away...You might just fall into a trap that has no hole to get out from...

Goodnight...these are just thoughts from my slumber..

memories

whattaday!!!

I woke up really early yesterday for a job interview. I sent my resume the previous day and was told to come back the day after for the battery of exams and interviews. I took along with me, my gay friend, Kirk who also wanted to try it.

We arrived at exactly 8am...We were first of the few applicants who were also trying their lucks like us..We chose the farthest spot from the guard ( who seem to be having a bad morning...watch out!) to wait. Since my bag was confiscated along with my Ipod, mobile phones and other things...we passed away time by talking and singing...sometimes we would get glances from the other applicants who were so still and quiet all the time..

Finally, we were called for what seem to be the first phase of the interview. We were led to a small room with a round table good for 5. I, along with Kirk and 2 others were interviewed by Thirdy ( thats his name, probably...Juan III? or i dont know...) Thirdy is a young guy from the recruitment team,,,and my, he was cute..ssshhhh!) He asked us basic info about ourselves one by one making sure that he takes it down to our file every answer we give him. That only took around 10 mins...easy I said! Then, he led us to a bigger room this time, with computers and other members of the recruitment team...we had to take 3 exams on the computer. Kirk and I skipped the first one since we already answered it via online last week...The 2nd phase was an interview by a virtual person...I have to spell out my name letter by letter aloud as well as other information about myself....then that virtual recorded voice named Christie ( yes, she has a name!!) gave us 3 phrases to repeat...Mine were: " Please verify that", "How may I assist you?" and " "Your papers is in process now"...Passed that with flying colors!!!
Then, the final phase for that morning was the situational exams where I have pick out among three choices the best answer to the question. It was composed of grammar, listening and reading comprehension. I passed it too, whew!! I was told to wait outside for my results, but i knew that i passed it since there was a button to click to see the results..which i clicked without telling them..hehehe.

Unfortunately, Kirk failed the exam and was told to come back 7 days after to retake it...and I was told to come back at 130pm for more exams...( whaaaat??? that wasnt enough yet?)We went back to my office, and because of excitement, I felt full all the time, so we didnt eat lunch. Since I heard from the hush hush talks of other applicants who were ahead of us that theres typing skill exams, I tried the online test...I got 58wpm while Kirk failed again...

Anyways, we were back at 130pm...Only few came back from the morning batch. There was one who went to get his appointment letter which stated that he can already start working in May...good for him huh?? And since the guard looked like he really hated us, we took the same spot we had that morning...and as usual, we were the noisy ones....An hour passed and everyone was being called except me..I began fidgeting on my seat praying that they'll call me....ok, maybe they are busy or is giving me the last spot...I am beginning to get impatient...i can see applicants leaving the building one by one and there was one lady there who was already waiting for her final interview, meaning she passed the 2nd set of computer based exams....and to think that we started on the same day...so what happened to me??? I began asking Kirk if we heard the instruction right for me to come back that same day? Was it really today Kirk, I asked...Kirk kept assuring me that yes, we heard it right...that was my cue to remind the recruitment team that I am still waiting to be called and I have been there for more than 2 hours already..grrrr!

The girl from the RT( Thirdy seem to be in a bad mood also like the guard) apologized to me profusely. She explained that they have highlighted my name by mistake and thought that I already passed all...Anyways, I took the exams...this time i was given recorded actual calls by their clients..and I had to answer the questions to gauge my customer relations skills....I passed that and skipped the 2nd set...the third and the last one was about my knowledge in computers...CHICKEN!

Its obvious that I would pass that last exam...hehehe...so once I was done, I called the attention of that girl and she asked me to stay awhile for the final interview..Well, guess who was gonna conduct it??? Yes, Thirdy again....That cutie guy who got a cute smile and cute eyes and cute shades...yessirree, its him again!
Thirdy asked me to go to the last cubicle and read the sample conversation that was printed on the laminated paper on the table. He gave me 4 minutes to go over it and wanted me to read it aloud for him when he comes back...So I did, 30 minutes later ( yes, he kept coming in telling me to wait, wait, wait that seemed forever...that on his last check i told him Im gonna go out and wait for him at the reception area and when asked why, I told him it gets pretty boring in there..which he replied with a cutie smile...lol)

I was the last person on that testing area and was the last one being interviewed..Thirdy gave me hard time, barraged me with a lot of questions...one after the other...continuously...that at one point before we closed it, I told him i felt he was giving me a hard time and wanted me to fail...Thirdy then showed me the paper where he was writing his observations and let me read the words: "Ok to Hire"...So there, after spending practically whole day in that building, it paid off..I can only sign contract with them though after i show proof that Im already resigned from my current company. Thirdy told me that my status will remain active for the next 6 months...So Im given until September to decide to take it or not..

Whew!!! I went home really tired after that, Kirk cooked while I rested. After we ate, I told him that Im gonna take a nap while he should practice typing online...The nap turned out to be my much needed rest after weeks of being sleepless...I woke up from time to time checking on Kirk's progress..but would fall asleep as soon as my head hits the bed...Finally, I woke up at around 1230am...checked the doors...the lights....the beer that stayed untouched inside the ref...and went back to sleep again...To sum it all, I slept for 12 hours...wow! Whattaday!!!

Questions Of My Heart

What does it take to love someone?
How many times do we search before we find our true love?
How should lovers keep their feelings alive?
When does one say "I love You" and mean it?
How do we get up from a broken heart?
Where do we get strength when your source of strength failed you?
How can one make the other stay?
Is forgiveness a virtue of love?
Why is love painful at times?
Why is love so complicated?
Can one endure an unrequited love?
Is love real or only a beautiful myth?
Why is letting go so hard to do?
Why does one cheats?
Why can love that feels so right still go wrong?
Why do I still ask these questions when I already know the answers?
And....why do I love you so much??

My Other Half

I met him exactly 7 years-8months-21-days-5 hours ago…He gave me a hard time…I waited for 20 hours before he finally showed up in our not-so-cozy-meeting-place. It was awkward because a lot of people waited for his arrival too, all worries painted on their faces….for me and for him. I almost gave up waiting….it took the energy out of me, it felt like I was ready to go, but there’s this little voice inside me which kept saying “ Hold on, don’t give up, he will be the perfect gift for your upcoming birthday ( well, I met him a week before my 3oth birthday) And so I did, and boy, was it the biggest miracle in my life. A precious gift so priceless. But you see, he didn’t smile when he saw me, I don’t even think he cared to look at me. He just cried and cried, and he got this funny looking face I couldn’t erase in my memory. He had coneshaped head, swollen eyes, and gosh, he was NAKED!!!! Whew! I was too tired to shake his hands, much less say hi back to him….and then he was gone….and so that was the first day I laid my eyes on him…there were no fireworks whatsoever, I was exhausted…so much about our first date.....


Next day came, the moment I opened my eyes, he was already there beside me…Geez, my hair was disheveled, my thoughts in disarray…my breath….hmmm..never mind…But he didn’t complain, he was just there lying beside me, sleeping….what a way to start second date huh??? I held his hand, squeezed it even, but he didn’t budge, he just lay there in serenity,so peaceful in my bed….Then, people came and went, all of them wanted to see him too….Did you say I was jealous….of course, this is just our second date, and all people are swarming over him, like he was the new tv idol or something…they took pictures of him….when it came out, he was the cute one and I looked horrible…my nose were big, my tits were wet, my body looked like it was pumped up with too much helium….whew! I got worried, coz of this first-impressions-lasts thing….What if he didn’t like me? What if that horrible first picture of ours will stuck in his memory…Oh no, I needed a major make over 101….


Days passed, we got to know each other…everyday, there was just something about him that constantly surprised me…Like he would sleep all day, his poops were black….he cant even go to the loo to pee….he just peed and pooped anywhere, anytime, anyplace….goodness gracious, he is something else! But he got that smile I cant forget….everytime I held his hand, it just gave me a reason to be thankful about. I would say “ God, thank you for letting me meet this fellow”. He wont talk to me though, he had this weird sounds that I would translate in what was appropriate for the day. Of course, not all liked him, some would give snide remarks about him, like hes just too damn dark, hes got short legs, he is too noisy….well, sometimes to show resentments to these nasty comments he screams no end……and the detractors? They all shut up…..3 points for that….


Our relationship is no different from others though, it’s not all bed of roses….we fight too. And when we fight, it usually pierced my heart…We try to resolve matters by taking a breather….I let him have his corner, while I find something to be busy about…then we talk. As always, he would agree in the end, with a little smirk on his face. He has been worse in the sanitary department, when he is out with his friends, I can smell him even if he is still 100 steps away from me, he stinks all over, his head, his underarms….oh, I just have to drag him to the bathroom everytime….But he is always so easy to please, I just let him watch his favorite tv show, and he is done for the day. He is also very receptive to new things, he can memorize all tv ads in a snap, or the short lines of a particular tv show…and he is updated in whats hot and whats new….The only bad thing about it is, he always asks me to buy it for him, he bleeds my pocket dry….


But you see, it is still heaven with him around and hell without him….I will never exchange him for anything in this world. HE IS MY AIR, MY PRIDE, MY JOY. Period. No qualifying statements. No caveats. You can see it: We’ve got something going on here -- there is a palpable feeling in the air about love that is unconditional. I love him no end, even if he hurts me, even if he forsakes me, even if he leaves me one day. My love is so strong that it will stay solid and firm even if the world crashes upon me. After 7 years, 8 months, 21 days and 5 hours with him, I am whole again. My life became meaningful because of his very presence in my life.


Do you want to meet him? Okay, let me introduce him to you:


Presenting the very special person in my life: ZACH PHILIP M. FERROLINO…..my son…..my other half…..


Now you know why.....