I wish I could talk to someone who has power to read minds of people. Sometimes I blame myself for being so transparent, my life is an open book, I tell people when Im sad, I tell them when its otherwise but why is it that I dont feel that they really have connected with me? I am one person who is instinctively honest and open; some would say that I'm too open and trusting and in this way leave myself open and vulnerable to others who are tougher than me. Other people are more guarded and watch what they say and do around others and either keep themselves to themselves or only show a selective view of themselves to others; in this way they both protect themselves and avoid conflict. But I love the way I am....only that it is beginning to be a question of is it the right thing to do or not? Am I getting insane?...or is it because they always perceived me to be the STRONG one? Or did I perceive them to fully understand my actions, yet for them its really nothing? Is this the beginning of a DRAMA queen out of me?
When life gives you too much surprises more than you can handle, sometimes, you let yourself loose and find ways to cope up. Some lose their way through drugs, insanity and losing interest in life altogether....me? I cope up with everything by spending more time with people around me. I just told a friend of mine today that I am a person who falls in love with the wrong guys because my psychiatric tendencies overwhelms my being and I tend to act as their savior which I have realized shouldn't be the case. I like digging deeper beyond the obvious, I like to delve on mystery of each person. I tend to pry out open the most sacred secrets of each one, not because I am out there to be a rat, but because I want to know a person more on her/his emotional quotient. I am just a person who takes friendships or any relationships seriously, so I observe, I analyze then I care....
And when I care, I care too much...sometimes it hurts...
I am hurting now...I really am. For realizing things I tried hard to evade...for getting the first spank of the year...my heart cries in pain for feelings ignored, for signs overlooked, for severed sweet moments, for wasted opportune to get to know a person on a deeper level...and for missing the chance to CARE!
What hurts most is knowing that the person you thought could protect you is the same person who put you in the pit in the first place. Question now is should I stop being a friend after feeling betrayed? My mind says yes, but my heart cannot deny the fact that it is giving me hesitations. I am happier when I have a high sense of self-worth and self-esteem. This means, I should do what I feel is right and even it means getting hurt along the way. I am happier when Im involved in close and meaningful relationships. Is HONESTY not a commodity anymore?
So can you read their minds? Please do!!!!
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