I have a weakness which I cant get rid of...and that of being a sucker for friends...time and again, I am duped, betrayed, misunderstood and mislabeled...I dont really know exactly how I have managed so far...life is just a circus, clowns are coming in with either a sad face or a happy one, and sometimes it takes a while before I see whats beneath the mask...and then i see nothing..
I believe every person has a purpose, some are born from royalty, some become great leaders, some become notoriously famous, others are just born. I think I was born to be this way, a sucker :-( I have few friends I do really keep as my true friends...others for me are just acquaintances, mates who you go along with your journey, but I only keep a few that i will always treasure...these are people I care about and I pray for every night. Sometimes when you are alone in your journey, away from family, you look over your shoulder and you see your friends close by...then you begin to think that they have become your family and then life becomes about them..and when it is about them, you want to build more memories with them, catching every sight of good ones...and not letting go..
I want to believe that I take risks when it comes to friends...I lay down my cards early on, thats why some of them have taken the steps to be ahead of me in the game..and then take me on for my lapses. When a friend throws a ball onto you full of hateful words, it catches you off guard, wondering why it has not been said through the years of friendship...then you realize, was the ball thrown for the purpose of correcting you or is it their defense to hide their flaws? I know myself, I lead, I plan, I create, I teach, I spend, I complain, because no one else does...I try to make my friends run in the same circle, to be one..and I think I have succeeded in that because most of my friends from all walks of life know or somehow has an idea of one another...I lay my life open to people, why? That 3 letter word has been hovering my head for days now? WHY? WHY? WHY? And then I ask again, Why not? Is the person's worth measured by the many laughs you get from friends? Is someone's character based on how much you can shut up on difficult situations? Is a person gauged by the power she/he has over his/her friends? How is one judged to be a good friend? Is it by the number of "friends" you have? Or is it by the numerous invitations you get on weekends? Are there really people who just look up to you because they need you and hates your guts when they have been fully trained by you. If people you have taken with your journey refuses in the middle of the road, then is it about time to take separate roads? Should friends cheer for each other's success and not compete? How is one's worth seen? Isnt it by the life he/she lives???
I have contained the pain for so long just so no balls are thrown....but if someone calls me selfish, bossy, dominant,manipulative then what are you? I do not make a promise I cant fulfill, I dont borrow money I cant pay, I dont make others wait, I dont hassle anyone's time without compensating, I dont spoil anyone's night, I dont go as freeloader and most of all I dont say things I dont mean.
For crying out loud, I am proud of who I am and proud to know my worth because truthfully, I am a sucker who just wants to have friends and be a friend to them. It is all about FRIENDSHIP, not FRIGGIN SHIT!
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