If there were dreams to sell, what would you buy?

My day began badly today and the more I tried to project my sadness, the deeper the pain lingered. I think there will always come a time to motherhood when a child's love towards her parent is measured. This is one of those times. I havent spoken to my ONLY child in almost a month. In those weeks of being incommunicado from him, there was never a day that I did not pray for more strength. I may look tough and hard as shell on the outside, but no one really knows how I suffer inside. I am one person who doesnt dwell too much on sadness so I help myself by emulating Peter Pan. I have a sackful of happy thoughts - ranging from a favorite song, favorite person, favorite adventure..and whatever thought that brought smiles to me. Those are my reliable ammos to shred the pain to bits and pieces.....and yes, it always worked! Today, I needed lots of happy thoughts. I was in my office when this urge to scream and just plainly curse enveloped me. It was damn hard to contain it as I was telling a friend of mine that my heart was just about to explode and that I needed a place to release my anger. She advised me to go home, I refused and readied myself to face it head on. One thing that is always a sure antidote to my woes is music. I have compilations of my favorite songs and when it began to dominate the air, I started to calm down. And then I went to sleep with my happy thoughts with me. I went back to the time when my Dad was still alive, I pictured the smile across his face when he would throw each one of us to the pool - a classic Sunday scenario for the family. That took away half of the pain instantly! I thought about the people who matter to me, why they matter and why I want to matter to them. Every little thought about them added more smiles to me and lesser pain by the minute. Then I finally succumbed to ZZZZZZ land and I was at peace. A gentle hand was trying to wake me up after just few minutes of dozing off....it was Zach. It took me by surprise seeing him in my office after he uttered the words "I dont ever want to talk to you again" 3 weeks back. It took me the second time to open my eyes to realize that indeed it was my prodigal son. He kept saying "sorry" while hugging me tight at the same time. I didnt speak a word and was just looking at him, trying to figure what changed in him physically in the last few weeks that I havent seen him. Oh, that's the mother nature in me that prodded me to do that, not in any way connected to why we had this rift too long.... I am not a nagging type mother, or a woman for that matter. I just asked him why he changed his number without telling me and he was very patient enough to explain why. After that, I went back to sleep - again with more happy thoughts to think about while Zach went to my desk and tinkered with my lappie. While I was trying to catch back the ZZZs that by now were very elusive, I began to daydream of beautiful things. And this is why I borrowed the words of Thomas Lovell Beddoes. So if there were dreams to sell, what would you buy? I want nothing of the grand things, I just want the small things that matter most to me. I dream BIG, not only for myself but for others as well. I would buy my son the gift of LOVE. The LOVE that he can arm himself until his old age, the love that can melt away the pain, and endure the stigma of having separated parents. I would definitely buy him that! I would buy my less privileged friends the gift of RESOURCE, so that when there is patchwork needed to be done in their financial situation, they need not run sweating to look for it in the dark. I would buy the people with so much EGO a GOLDEN PIN to punch a hole to their heads when it gets too big that even them cannot handle it well. I would buy plenty of such as there are many bloated egos roaming around. I would definitely buy a friend of MINE the gift of STABILITY to secure his status, his ambitions, his work and his life in general. I would buy two of that for him so that when all else fail, he has something to help him stand up again. I would like to buy the gift of GAB to my dearest one so that he can speak with kindness, speak the right words at the right time and speak the words that could make him proud of himself. I would buy three of that, one for happiness, one for contentment and one for peace. In all those three, I would like him to buy the gift of JOY for himself so that he can finally go home to his true NORTH. What would I buy for myself? I just want the most simple thing: I want to buy myself the dream of LIFE lived TRULY. I dont need anything, I just want the affirmation at the end of my journey that these will be the words that I will hear from the people who celebrated my life with me, if I could borrow the words of Amy Grant: I may not be every mother's dream for her little girl And my face may not grace the mind of everyone in the world But thats alright as long as I can have one wish, I pray When people look inside my life, I wanna hear them say She's got her father's eyes Her father's eyes Eyes that find the good in things When good is not around Eyes that find the source of help, when help just can't be found Eyes full of compassion, seein' every pain Knowing what you're going through, and feelin' it the same Just like my father's eyes.... How about you? What are the dreams you want to buy?