Thursday, April 17, 2008

GRRRR!!!


I hate my afternoon. I was put under the spotlight. Too hot. Too tense. I hate the person that caused this. I hate to defend myself for nothing. I hated it, really. The pressure is mounting. It suffocates me. It should stop. I hated the fact that I am in a pit. No way out. Its choking me.

This person has caused me so much grief. So much anxiety. I am learning to hate...really HATE. And I hate feeling this way. Im not this kind of person. I am NOT!

I hate writing this blog, I really do. But i have to let it out. Spit it out. I cant contain my hatred. I am losing my patience.

I need to unwind. Relax. Think Happy Thoughts, like Peter Pan. I need an antidote to my hatred...its toxic, its scary.

Give me a BREAK!

I Love You????

I wrote this blog a year ago on my Yahoo 360. Im reposting this here as my entry today:

Its 151am, I just woke up and found out I got tons of emails...I was hoping Id get one that would perk up my eerie midnight...but all I got were forwarded ones and of a bulk share of spams.....those that tell you you won in the lottery or the mushy stories of someone died and their money is somewhere that you are the only trusted person who can access to it...URGGGH, please...had enough of that already, do better next time please.

As usual, on this time of the day I prefer to be in my solemn ground. I find solace just reading interesting blogs of other people and learn from it..Yeah, its a good therapy, something that awakens your senses, whether it was just a nonsense blog or more of a bit serious stuff, its still a good dose. Its funny that you get to know one person by the blogs they write, and there's this feeling that you have known them forever, yet you dont even know the very basic information about that person. Hah...the irony of it....

Yesterday, I was offline for most of the day, but I was on SMS and I received a message from someone who I just conversed with for only ONE TIME..his message went like this: " Hey, sweet, where have you been all day. Waited for you an hour but you were offfline. I love you and I miss you. I will talk to you soon". Goodness, how can someone say that when we just talked ONCE? And if I may recall accurately, we just talked for less than an hour...the usual, in troductions...whats your name, what do you do...blah, blah, blah...I replied with "Hey, you dont love me...you dont even know me" and he was quick to reply with " How say I dont love you, its not my fault. I have a strange feeling for you so love is in the air" .....WHOAH, hold on a minute....you got me thinking there...Is love at first chat possible? Well, couldnt blame this guy really....too pretty to be not admired..( Hahahaha, that got you huh!)...Wow...hes got strange feelings for me...To date, I cant anymore count the times I get these confessions...they all love me...wow! There's that nagging question again of when does one say " I love you" and mean it????? I cant believe these three magical words are being so used freely on net, to the point that it sounds abusive. There's too much flattery, too much smooth talking, too much superficial elation. I wish I get callous to all these, but hey, it sometimes make my day...Im just human, guilty of needing approval and appreciation. But I know better now....I will take the challenge of various shades of love armed with wisdom and care, and as I go along the journey, I will make sure, it has a rightful end.

So lets take the ride of life and love with glee, chase the clouds of golden heartbeats...even if there are shadows of darkness at times, just know that we can always rise from the ashes and be brand new again...Love is free but it takes a lot of effort and determination to make it worth your while...so please, next time make sure you do really feel it, before giving it away...You might just fall into a trap that has no hole to get out from...

Goodnight...these are just thoughts from my slumber..