Extremely Close & Incredibly Loud

You might be wondering what the title is about, it somehow sounds familiar but not perfectly correct? In fact, you are quite right with your confusion, because this entry is actually about the movie "Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close" only that I interchanged the two words...and here's why:

I saw the title of this movie when I was searching for something to download but didnt mind it because the title itself sounds weird...but one day, while I was on Skype, one former applicant from my online job popped this conversation saying "hey, there's this movie I want you to watch". The curiosity in me readily jumped to the suggestion and found my way downloading the same. Well,it has been sitting in my downloads folder for few days before I got the chance to watch it. The first time was a disaster as I fell asleep even when it was just starting.. and finally today, I watched it.

Gee, I couldnt be more glad that I came to my senses to finally do it despite knowing that I would lose some sleep just to be able to finish it. ( Watched it after logging out from my online job.....to be exact 4am)

The movie is about a boy (Oskar)who lost his father in 9/11. There was this key that he found in his Dad's closet with a word "BLACK" outside the small envelope where it was kept. That put him on a journey to find anyone surnamed "Black" and also the start of discovering more things about the people around him , strangers and even about himself. The little boy is a thinking machine, quite smart but has the usual tantrums that all kids do at his age. While searching for the lock that would pair to the key he was holding, he felt he was moving closer to his father but further away from his mom. The movie not only depicted how someone could react to losing someone so dear, but evidently, it tackled how a BOY could exactly feel knowing that someone is never coming back.

The movie focused on the young boy's thoughts and feelings, so it was more in narration and you really have to listen to every word as not to stray from its flow. The scenes between the young boy and his grandfather proved to be so carefully calculated as it was never established that they were related but then the "unusual" conversations between them could not let you hold back your tears as you would then realize in your thoughts that they are both suffering.

Towards the end of the movie, I couldnt help crying especially during the scene when Oskar finally had the answer to the key mystery. When he dashed out from the building into the train and was seen really drained from all the emotional coaster ride of his search, I wanted to give the boy a HUG! It was a huge thing, and placing myself in his shoes, I think I would react much worse than him. Knowing that your search is finally over but at the back of your mind, you knew that it was not the way you wanted it to be - it is really something to drain your spirit whole.

The scene when he was hysterical and his Mom had to appease him also used up both tissue and energy in me. It must have been hard for the mother to hear his child saying something like "I wish it was you there in the building on that day" during one of their shouting matches. But during that time when Oskar poured out his emotions to his mother, only then he knew that his mother was with him in his journey.

There were mixed reviews on this movie, but I would lean to the ones who gave a thumbs up sign because the movie moved me bigtime and even if it gave me salty tears or fictitious revelations, still it gave me new learnings. I would not ever regret watching a movie that would give me some thoughts to ponder upon and some time alone for me to reflect on how I have lived my life whatever my age may be. But most of all, I liked the movie because it brought the memories of my father real again. I reminisce the time the whole family would be swamped in the car and head to the beach, the time I had an argument with my father about the Bible, the time he bought me the Yukele and all other things about who he was and how he has made impact to my life and how I have lived to be still missing him until now.

If you have lost a parent, maybe you would understand what Im saying and maybe then, the movie will make sense just when you thought it wont.

Now I dont need to explain further about the movie, just watch the rest and figure it out to yourself if we share the same sentiments, but then I must let you know why I came up with this twisted title of this entry...well here it is:

I watched the movie at wee hour at exactly 4am when everyone were asleep in the apartment Im sharing with some friends. The laptop is placed on a stool EXTREMELY CLOSE to my bed and the earphones plugged to it that made the audio INCREDIBLY LOUD!

Let me leave you these lines from the book where this movie was lifted from:

“So many people enter and leave your life! Hundreds of thousands of people! You have to keep the door open so they can come in! But it also means you have to let them go!”
― Jonathan Safran Foer, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close


Bye for now and see you at the movies!!!

CONTEMPLATION: The Workaholic in ME!

Wow, this is actually my first night in two weeks straight that I can retire early ( if you can say that 1220am is still early). I got this new contract on my online job that keeps me awake all night just to hit the required quota per week. And mind you, its quite a challenging one. Not because the task is so, but because the process is tedious and time-consuming. I work even on my off hours, but hey, I aint complaining. It is extra money for me, and I believe I can juggle my time between my daytime job, my son, my apartment duties and this one. Oh, not to mention the household chores and time to take a bath. Hahahaha!!

Seriously though, I accepted this contract because I feel the need to save for my plans next year. Hmmmmmm..in one of my contemplation moments, it got me to this point where I miss my love for travel. I traveled heavily the past years and it stopped when one financial crisis led to another. My savings were used up and there are still bills to pay. So I thought of a way to help myself. I found this one to be a good solution. I can put my internet connection to good use finally than just hitting FB and Twitter.

Right now, I am under contract with 3 employers for my online job. I write, I tweet and I recruit. Yeah, how do you think I can manage all that? Well, I spend my first waking hour checking my emails for my recruiting job, sort them out and once done I head to my office ( After having a good bath..got you!)

At the office, I dont work much for my online job out of respect to my company, although I still check my emails...to continue sorting them so that when I get home, it is already organized. My tweeting job takes around 2.5 hours to complete for 5 accounts and letting TweetAttacks run by itself. As soon as I am home, I start making invites. That's when I dont keep track of the time anymore as I have to aim for 250 invites a day. It sounds easy really, but the process is the one lagging me. The exact process is this: I check my pipeline assignment, read the description and find a good candidate based on the qualifications specified. When I find my candidate, I paste the permalink to the Inviter Tool and see if he/she has been previously invited or not. If so, I skip that and find another one. If the prospect can be invited, I have to send an invitation letter with the job description attached. Once the candidate accepts the invitation, I then send an offer for Testing. In between that, I have to check my emails for replies and declines. I have to reply to the queries which some of them are really so senseless, so there are times I curse myself for ever finding that candidate...( shhhh...*wink*). Once the candidate accepts the offer for testing phase, I have to put them into the tracker with their details so that the closer can handle them from then on. That is supposed to be the last step of my responsibilities, but I have to continue to process the other invites, imagine how many candidates I have to get into the tracker everyday? Can you even begin to imagine?

I do not accept a job that i know I cant deliver for. So to make sure I hit the quota, I put in extra hours to process them fully. So far, my eyebags are 5 kilos heavier...I dont know the week after this, so wish me luck!!! Now your question is, is it worth it? Well, I am not really a day person, so spending sleepless nights is okay with me, what I fear is that my body might surrender more than the mind can take. And of course, the extra income is a nice welcome to my pocket. It is like having a 100% raise with my current regular job, so again, I aint complaining!

My plans? I want to travel outside the country!!! I want to see long lost friends, relatives and the places I got to know through my readings. Touching base is always important to me, and how could I ever materialize that plan if I aint got dough to start with?? So, the workaholic in me is pumping energy out of my breath just to fulfill that. Dont forget that I have a son who wants to tag along..so actually Im saving for two!! But I promised him, only one out-of-the -country travel per year for us. God help me!!

I could say that I did fairly well for the 2 weeks that passed...hah, with the heavy eyebags now, I think I do not only deserve a pat on my back but a standing ovation as well!! One friend of mine told me that I am becoming so anti-social because my routine is now home-office-home.....and in front of the computer all the time!! I guess, its partly true. But in time, I would learn the ropes of inviting in the most efficient way and maybe could spare my weekends again to myself!!

My contemplation is this, to earn money is tough, to do the process is even tougher, so guys love your job. Dont complain the long hours required by your bosses for the same salary you get, instead be thankful that you have paydays to wait for. Dont complain for being tired, instead be thankful that you got tired because you worked, not because you looked for one.

When I feel like giving up, I just listen to my fave songs, and right away it gives me the urge to sing along....( you thought this was another hey guys line...;-). Seriously again, I am thankful that I can use my resources to earn money..and extra at that. So why complain??

But for now, I really got to sleep as my body is telling me to do so. Hey, I aint complaining..the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak..so please understand!

Have a good week ahead all of you!!

Myself as a Writer

I don't really consider myself a professional writer. I even don't have big words to make my article look classy and what is worse sometimes is I don't even have enough words to say. I write because I love it. I write to vent out my feelings, because often than not writing relieves me from being upset or depressed. Writing is my therapy, and a very effective one at that.

Since I was a little girl, I have always been passionate about writing. I have been a diary-girl almost all my growing up years, even until now, I still have a diary with me, eventhough I don't write much on it, it is still a constant companion wherever I go.

My thoughts sometimes betray me, so I write them down on my diary. Whenever I like a song I hear, I write the title down. Whenever I travel, I write the chronicles of events in an outline form on my diary. Whenever I am hurting, my diary is my listening ear.

Writing for me is a better way to keep my emotions well-balanced than drowning myself in pity. As I have said, it gives me relief from pain, from too much worry and from being bothered. Once I write my thoughts, a sudden magical feeling envelopes me afterwards. That's how good it is to write for me.

Now that I write for money, I sometimes feel I have lost the magic. I often ask myself, is it because I just write to earn or is it because I am too pre-occupied with other things? Am I not inspired enough to finish a 450-word article on time? When I started with my writing contract, I could finish 5 to 10 articles a DAY, but lately I can only finish 10 in a WEEK. How come my fingers are now too heavy to tick the keys? Is my passion for writing dwindled already?

Now that I'm writing this entry, I have come to realize that WRITING isn't just a process of pouring out my thoughts on things, but it is also a process of pouring out my emotions. That explains the fact that I do get a hard time writing about dental implants, business plans and what not?

I write because I want to share something of me and something that I have strong conviction about. If I keep writing about same topic everytime, the very essence of writing gets lost. That explains why my fingers do not do the walking along with my brain.

I have realized that I am not a writer for money, but a writer by heart. I realized that I write because I love it and not because I can make money out of it. With that realization, I have put my mind at ease and told myself that it is just okay to write 10 articles in a week than write a hundred without my heart in it.

I owe it to the readers to find a good article to read and I owe it to my employer to get the best of me, so I will now write easy and be a writer that I really am. To hell with bonuses and rankings, for G's sake, I am a writer and not anyone's contender!

Why cant you?

You are such a coward....too afraid to face the truth.
You are such a thief...you took me by surprise.
You are so dense...something so hard to penetrate.
You are so childlike..something I am in many ways.

Why can't you be the brave man who can ease my trouble?
Why can't you be the superhero who can bring back my possessions?
Why cant you be sensitive to the yearnings of my heart?
Why cant you be mature at times so we can talk like adults?

You are such a beautiful creature...always amazes me with your antics.
You are such a sweet liar....you think you can get away with anything.
You are so shallow...even a senseless old movie can tickle you no end.
You are not me...so don't make me like you.

But I cant make you ugly just because I hate loving you.
I cant make you fly and save me from being wretched.
I cant make you run deep, because you are deep enough.
I cant make you appreciate me, so why cant you be me?

Why cant you be all the things I want?
Why cant you be all the things I dreamed of?
Why cant you be the man of my dreams?
Why cant you be just right, tell me?

Is it wrong for me to love you or is it the other way around?

I met you when there was so much going in my life. I didnt even care how your hair would glisten in the sun, nor notice the quaint flick in your eyes. There was nothing I'd miss about you not until I spent those nights with you. Then I was blown away.

You had this sad look in your eyes, a timid smile wanting to smile more, a humor with pain and shyness with embarassment. How could I not be drawn to you when you always wanted to hold my hand? How could I not care when I already begun?

You told me that you do not like the work that you do, I told you that I don't question it. You told me that its been a while since you have been home, I told you you are far because of home. You told me that you cant afford to waste time, I told you to not worry because your efforts will be rewarded. You told me that you don't want to be a burden to me, I told you to lay it down on me so I can unburden you. After all things have been said and done, I thought I have succeeded in putting back that elusive smile on your face....was I so wrong?

You told me youd stay, but after you held my hand, you slipped away. You are gone....I have to accept that. But why? I have learned that you stopped reporting to work and later resigned. Why? You just quit communicating,why? These are all questions that remain so until now...why?

Then I remember what you told me the night we were at the beach...you told me that you don't want to fall in love because along with it comes pain. Did I ever cause you pain or were you meaning to warn me?

Is there someone else that I'm not supposed to love you or is it because you refused to admit the way you feel towards me? Is it wrong for me to love you or is it the other way around?

From the song that we both like, please say something for me to believe in...

Who Am I Meant to Be? from www.oprah.com

YOU ARE STRIVING TO BE SECURE
This is the result of self-assessment test I took through www.oprah.com...Im yet to find it out, so join me in analyzing mine...and maybe you can find out yours too!!!

You are a stabilizer: You are the rock in a storm, the one others lean on. Loyal and com-mitted in your relationships, you maintain a support system of like-minded people whom you look out for. (So what if you do it behind the scenes and don't get credit?) You're careful with money, cherish the familiar, and defend the traditions you care about.

What to watch out for: Rapidly changing environments (like a shaky economy) are very hard for you. As a result of such instability, you can spiral into a state where everything seems catastrophic and you're sure life will only get worse. You can also become overcontrolling, rejecting any suggestion that doesn't conform to your idea of the way things should be. To avoid being too rigid, each month try changing one habit. Exper-iment with clothes, drive a different way to work, initiate conversations about subjects you wouldn't normally discuss. And when the opportunity arises to do something new, avoid the impulse to immediately say no—this may be nerve-racking, but the more you practice, the less anxious you'll feel.

Looking ahead: You find meaning in pursuing safety and certainty. Focusing on family can give you great satisfaction. Also consider planting a vegetable garden, hosting class reunions, volunteering as a lifeguard, teaching at your church or temple. In the work arena, look for positions where you're responsible for others, and for making sure everyone is following the rules. You work well in any environment that is stable and consistent. Careers in government, finance, the military, law enforcement, and product manufacturing are strong options for you.

Find careers that match your striving style.

YOUR SCORES
Many people have two or three strong striving styles, and they can all be important in leading you to the person you are meant to be. If you have a few "highest" scores, read each matching description, and see what rings most true.

Striving to help: 16
Striving to be recognized: 12
Striving to be creative: 13
Striving to be spontaneous: 12
Striving to be knowledgeable: 14
Striving to be secure: 18
Striving to be in control: 16

STRIVING TO HELP
You scored: 16
You are a nurturer: You are caring and supportive in your personal relationships as well as in your job. Unselfish and altruistic by nature, you often anticipate the needs of those around you before they are aware of them. If there is one thing that brings you satisfaction, it's tending to others.

What to watch out for: When you're doing things for people only to feel valued, you can become resentful. And if you sense that your help is not appreciated, you may end up playing the martyr. So before giving your time to everyone else, make sure to take care of yourself (physically, emotionally, and spiritually). And practice waiting until someone asks for help: While you may be able to perceive what a person needs, that doesn't mean she wants you to attend to it.

Looking ahead: It's important for you to be genuinely of service in acknowledged ways. Whether you foster a child, care for an elderly aunt, rescue animals, or support a rock star's career as her personal assistant, look for opportunities where you can help other people or bigger causes. Volunteer work has your name written on it, as do many careers: nursing, teaching, customer service, healing, social work. Don't feel pressured to run the company or lead the project; you may be even more effective as someone's right hand. And you'll likely find working with other people more meaningful than flying solo.

Find careers that match your striving style.
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STRIVING TO BE RECOGNIZED
You scored: 12
You are an achiever: Ambitious, competitive, and hardworking: That's you. With a clear image of who you are, you work tirelessly to make sure your accomplishments are recognized. Your drive for success extends to your family, and you invest a lot of energy in helping them live up to your expectations. Thanks to your knack for diplomacy and abundant charisma, you often inspire others.

What to watch out for: You are prone to becoming a workaholic, slaving away toward success while neglecting your personal life. Because you're driven to gain approval, you can find yourself performing for others like an actor; if you become overly concerned with your image, you end up feeling superficial. To keep your ambition under control, get involved in group activities that require cooperation. Also practice listening to those around you and think about sharing the spotlight from time to time.

Looking ahead: Any career that allows you to scale the ranks and gain recognition, status, even material rewards, lights you up. Actress, entrepreneur, salesperson, politician—you get the picture. And consider balancing your professional challenges with personal ones: Run a 10K, train for a triathlon, compete in a tennis tournament, bike from one end of your state to the other; or join a debate team, play in a poker circle, enter your purebred spaniel in a dog show. Whenever you can win at something, you're happy.

Find careers that match your striving style.
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STRIVING TO BE CREATIVE
You scored: 13
You are an artist: You came out of the womb with a paintbrush in your hand. Or maybe it was a flute or a castanet or a fountain pen to go with your poet's imagination. The point is, you're an original, and you know it. Even if you don't have a singular gift, you're drawn to the arts—anything creative, for that matter—and you have a unique way of looking at the world. Your need for depth and authenticity in relationships can lead to both great joy and profound sorrow, depending on whether others reciprocate. You don't care so much about adapting to group or societal expectations; your independence and sharp intuition propel you on your own path.

What to watch out for: When fear of conformity overrides your creativity, you can assume the role of "outsider" or "orphan" and end up feeling alienated. You may even go so far as refusing to vote or pay taxes. This lone-wolf stance might be a defense against feeling vulnerable. Try to be aware that blaming others for your banishment, or pushing away those who want to get close, only makes things worse. Also, dramatizing your emotions can interfere with your creativity.

Looking ahead: As long as you genuinely express yourself, you feel like the person you were meant to be. How you do it is irrelevant. A chef or architect can be as much of an artist as a painter or sculptor. Many advertising and public relations executives are also highly imaginative. Beyond work, there are opportunities everywhere you look to coax out your inner artist: Design your own jewelry line, create an innovative blog, dream up a comic strip. Relationships are another avenue for self-expression.

Find careers that match your striving style.
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STRIVING TO BE SPONTANEOUS
You scored: 12
You are an adventurer: Action-oriented, curious, outgoing, and often technically gifted, you live for new experiences. You are drawn to risk-taking and aren't afraid to fail. Generally restless, you tend to job-hop or choose a field that offers constant novelty. If you had to name your favorite place, it might be the center of attention—you're a born entertainer, and can easily adapt to any audience. While you collect many acquaintances, you're less likely to develop deep, committed relationships.

What to watch out for: When you can't satisfy your thirst for variety and excitement, you may see yourself as trapped, which can lead to impulsive and self-destructive behavior—drinking, drugs, breaking off relationships, ditching financial responsibilities. Try to find value in some traditions; if you learn to appreciate repetitive experiences, you won't always feel the urge to bust free. And when a new opportunity thrills you, keep in mind that just because it sounds exciting, that doesn't mean it's good for you.

Looking ahead: Life will have meaning for you as long as you feel stimulated. That might mean chasing twisters, exploring the polar ice caps, getting a degree in dance therapy, or becoming an astronaut. It might also mean reading new books, attending workshops, or letting yourself get swept up in an intoxicating romance. As a risk-lover with a lot of energy, you're a natural entrepreneur. You'll be happiest if you change jobs every so often and travel extensively. Movement is what keeps you going.

Find careers that match your striving style.
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STRIVING TO BE KNOWLEDGEABLE
You scored: 14
You are an intellectual: As a leader, you're often ahead of your time. As an employee, you try to surpass the competence level of peers, even managers. Incisive and curious, you're driven to deeply understand how things work. But that's things, not people. Oh, your family and friends are important; it's just that you don't need to spend hours engaging with them. Social validation isn't your goal—you're secure enough in your cerebral pursuits.

What to watch out for: When you can't find a way to be the expert, you may withdraw or simply withhold information, which can make you seem smug or arrogant. If you feel yourself retreating into your own world, seek a friend's help to pull you back. Also balance your cerebral tendencies through physical activities like jogging, hiking, or dance.

Looking ahead: You discover who you are meant to be through accumulating insight and knowledge. So follow your curiosity. Are you drawn to learning Mandarin? Join-ing a philosophy society? Studying and practicing Buddhist meditation? Delving into the complexities of computer programming? Writing a historical book? Pursuits that place you near the leading edge of technology, science, psychology, academia, or business are good bets. But any situation that allows you to work independently with freedom to investigate and innovate will fuel your drive.

Find careers that match your striving style.
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STRIVING TO BE SECURE
You scored: 18
You are a stabilizer: You are the rock in a storm, the one others lean on. Loyal and com-mitted in your relationships, you maintain a support system of like-minded people whom you look out for. (So what if you do it behind the scenes and don't get credit?) You're careful with money, cherish the familiar, and defend the traditions you care about.

What to watch out for: Rapidly changing environments (like a shaky economy) are very hard for you. As a result of such instability, you can spiral into a state where everything seems catastrophic and you're sure life will only get worse. You can also become overcontrolling, rejecting any suggestion that doesn't conform to your idea of the way things should be. To avoid being too rigid, each month try changing one habit. Exper-iment with clothes, drive a different way to work, initiate conversations about subjects you wouldn't normally discuss. And when the opportunity arises to do something new, avoid the impulse to immediately say no—this may be nerve-racking, but the more you practice, the less anxious you'll feel.

Looking ahead: You find meaning in pursuing safety and certainty. Focusing on family can give you great satisfaction. Also consider planting a vegetable garden, hosting class reunions, volunteering as a lifeguard, teaching at your church or temple. In the work arena, look for positions where you're responsible for others, and for making sure everyone is following the rules. You work well in any environment that is stable and consistent. Careers in government, finance, the military, law enforcement, and product manufacturing are strong options for you.

Find careers that match your striving style.
Back to Top

STRIVING TO BE IN CONTROL
You scored: 16
You are a leader: You approach everything as though you were born to be in charge. Confident, assertive, and decisive, you know what you want and you go after it. You also look out for family, friends, and community—you feel you know what's best for them—and have no fear of confronting anyone who challenges your ideas. Taking the driver's seat, you also generously donate time and energy to people and neighborhood projects.

What to watch out for: When you feel threatened, or others refuse to go along with your agenda, you can become confrontational and domineering, sometimes to the point of being dictatorial. Practice letting someone else take charge on occasion. Also try meditation; it can help you be-come more aware of your controlling impulses and ease the anxiety that may be provoking them.

Looking ahead: You discover your purpose when you take control of your environment. For you, finding a decision-making role is key. That could mean anything from producing a play to spearheading a global campaign for something you care about. In work, you're suited for leadership positions in education, government, industry, finance, religious institutions, or politics. But you can find satisfaction anytime you're given the autonomy to do things your own way.

Touching Base with O'Sheila Panal Boag

When you have friends whom you havent seen for a long time, there's a sort of dead air once you get to see each other again...but that's not the case with friends with whom you share so much sweet memories with, thats not the case between Sheila and me... She is my friend way back in college ( we went to different universities) who I lost contact with for almost 20 years...(hmmm, dont ask my age now...:-))I was the Godmother of her son...I knew that she had a hard life back then, studying, raising a child and trying to make a living at the same time. Life for me then was a breeze, I had a good life...my Dad provided well and I didnt have to go through what my friend went though. As fate would dictate, we saw each other again on a social networking site, a frendship was rekindled and is still lighting up...nothing has changed except that she is a very successful businesswoman now, married to a foreigner and enjoying life immensely. Im truly happy for my friend, as she has not lost her enthusiasm for loving life the way we did when we were still teenagers...and thats what reconnected us.

Twice she visited me here and vice versa...all those meet ups, we would be laughing so hard, paint the town red and ends the trip with a smile in our hearts. Having those special times with Sheila always lifts my spirits up....and always, I go back the memory lane and savor those times that indeed we are really friends...come high come low!



Im quite sentimental when it comes to my friends, they are my strength and inspiration. I hold them dear to my heart and it goes without saying that I love them. It feels good to know that along the different journeys each one treads, you meet someone on crossroads with familiar experiences and you just dont let go...thats why touching base with her is a blessing to me...not only for the good times that we share but for special treatment that she gives me whenever im with her...with gratefulness in my heart, Sheila is a lifetime's worth of a blessing to me...Here's to our friendship TIYA!!! Love you!!!

Song dedication: To my other BFF Faye Go

Best Friend by Brandy

Whenever I'm down
I call on you my friend
A helping hand you lend
In my time of need
So, I'm calling you now
Just to make it good
What else can I do
For you hear my plea
Friends may come and friends may go
But you should know
That I've got your back
It's automatic
So never hesitate to call
Cause I'm your sister
And always for you
In love
Whenever I'm down
With all that's going on
Is really going on
Just one of those days
And you
Say the right things
To keep me moving on
To keep me going strong
What else can I say?
Friends are there through thick and thin
And I've been told that
And I believe that
It's automatic
Call me when you need a friend
Cause I'm your sister
And always know that
I'll be there for you
When you're going through
Things that you need me
You're close to me
My friend
You can count on me
Call me when you need me
Or can't take it anymore,
I don't know what I'd ever do without you
>From the beginning to the end
You've always been here right beside me
So I'll call you my best friend
Through the good times and the bad ones
Whether I lose or if I win
I know one thing that never changes
And that's you as my friend! :)

Love you always Manang!

Letters: Notes from Zach

Notes from my dear son Zach over the years....

Letters: Short note to Angie Regalado

Thanks OA for your never-ending support. Thanks for loving me and for taking care of me now and always....I will love and cherish you FOREVER!!!

Letters: To my friend Kikiw

Natal day 2011

My dearest TIK,BUNS,LING,Fwend;

It’s your BIRTHDAY today!!! Who would have thought I would be celebrating it again with you? That’s quite an honor really to be a part of your life for the past 6 years and eventhough we have gone through a rough time in our friendship, no one can deny the fact that most of those years were all good!! I cant thank you enough for making the last 6 years of my life wonderful my friend.
You are 22 now, too young to really have a full grasp of life, too old to still act childish but quite ready enough to face life’s battles. I am so proud of you for the things you have accomplished so far. I know that you are on your way to realizing your dreams and I know you will make it BIG! Just keep your feet on the ground at all times and be thankful for every blessing received. Remember, we got 46 countries waiting for us…so we better make good! 
Wow, I don’t really have much to say my friend…..you already know what’s in my heart and that never changed since we became friends…I just wanna assure you that you are the most special friend I have in this little island of Dumsville…you know that I care so much for you and I love you lots..
How I wish we could do another week of celebration like we did last year…but it’s Holy Week…aside from all bars are closed, all banks on holiday…I guess our pockets betrayed us at this time of the month…TINGBITS!  But I couldn’t let it pass without a grand salvo my friend…so sit back and relax…
Just before all the chaos begins…I just want to greet you a very Happy Birthday and may all you wished for be granted and that you will have another blessed year ahead!

I love you dearly,

Jubang

Letters: A letter to my couple-friend Marky & Ann

EMO date, 2011

Dearest Handsome and Gorgeous (FEELER ra…hehehe),



I drafted a separate letter for you each but I thought it best to make one for you two as the things I wanna say really is for you as a couple. First let me congratulate you for a job well done in your relationship…..keep it stronger each day….! These are just my few wishes for you:
1. Love each other fully and with all your might, a love given away freely is the best gift you can give to each other. No amount of material thing can ever surpass that ( unless it’s a MAC PRO…hahahaha)
2. Learn to accept each other at his/her worst state. Because that’s when you can measure up how much each other can put up with the most trying times in your journey.
3. Make memories together. The more sweet times you have with each other, the more reason you would want to stay together…Trust me on this!
4. Tot continue to be the nurturing partner that you are, Marky will forever appreciate that and Marky, continue to be the supportive partner that you are, Antot will forever be grateful for that…..in short Im telling you Antot to keep the household clean including the CR, kitchen and the bed…hehehe…and Marky, what im really saying is for you to be patient with Antot’s nagging regarding the mess you do in the CR, kitchen and on the bed…hahahaha
5. Be each other’s HERO….a HERO can be just defined as someone who could laugh at your own mistakes and still give you a peck on the cheek…that’s what you should be to each other…
6. Always AGREE to DISAGREE…when one is mad, let the other one be calm….no use in clashing for petty things as this will just create cracks in your relationship..remember that if you continue to agree that there are just things you disagree about then you are on the same page in your relationship.
7. Antot, you have admitted to be insecure….this was not explained further but if you are referring to your standing in Marky’s life, DON’T BE…we your friends have witnessed the love Marky has for you…you have this MAN in your life, so no reason to be insecured….instead learn to appreciate even the small things he is doing for you…you are one lucky girl remember that!
8. Marky, Antot may be so extravagant in showing her love for you but I guess she just wanted to make sure you get the BEST of her…so don’t complain instead treasure it as those are part of the memories you both are making….you are one hell of a lucky guy, remember that.
9. Take pleasure in assuring one another your commitment….it could be in the smallest gesture of just staring at each other or just holding each other’s hand…but what really matter is the message you are sending…assurance can guarantee security…
10. Lastly, keep the friendship SOLID and celebrate everyday as if it’s the first day you fell in love with one another…..because friendship will outlast the lust and passion and the first day you felt giggles for each other may be the best reason you should stick to one another. CHEERS!!!

Love,

Jubang

Letters: My letter to my friend Issa

EMO date, 2011

My dearest MADAM vanISSA,

I have so many things I want to tell you but I don’t think I have enough space here….so for now I will just tell you things that are pressing for the moment. I know you are going through rough times…and I know it’s the same thing all over again…and you may sometimes doubt your capacity as a person, so here’s what I want you to affirm in your life:

1. You are beautiful, young, sexy and exotic. Any guy would like to know you better if you just open a door for them to enter your life.
2. You should be respected, pampered and cared for even just for the sole reason that you are a human being and have rights.....dont ever think that you don’t deserve it because you do!
3. If you are constantly unhappy about something then maybe its time to let go of it. It may hurt much, but that pain will go away when it is replaced by self-esteem that you have lost along the way.
4. Don’t ever feel SELF-PITY. You owe it to yourself to be happy, happiness is a choice…so if you are in misery that’s because you chose that….so don’t punish yourself by thinking you are worth for nothing because you have endured so much and to regret about everything is like digging yourself a hole.
5. Feel your age, live young and live freely….my friend, you are still very young and have so much ahead of you…live the way you should and not the way other people tell you to..
6. Always do the right thing even if it’s the hardest thing to do…..however painful to go through one thing, sleeping peacefully at night rewards it fully. My friend, I don’t want to see you cry over a guy who does nothing but insults and disrespects you, you owe it to yourself to stop that emotional abuse….please consider that thought.
7. Continue your studies and finish it…that’s the only weapon you can arm yourself from the harsh realities of life. If money is the reason they can insult you then arm yourself with same. You can use that to improve yourself and be better than them.
8. Do not get swallowed by the glitz and glamour of the other side of the fence. Material things are temporary, but emotional distress will build up and will damage you for the rest of your life.
9. Stay close to your family. I salute you for always considering their needs first before yours, that’s so noble…so keep them close at all times.
10. I want you to know that I care for you…I told you time and again that I treat you as my younger sister and that I will constantly give you an eyeful and I will keep it that way til I can see that you are ready to spread your wings and fly high. Take very good care of yourself my friend..

Love lots,

Jubang

Letters from the heart

Friendship is a blessing, and a friend is the channel through whom great emotional, spiritual, and sometimes even physical blessings flow. Friends can cheer us when we’re sorrowful or depressed. Friends can challenge us when we allow ourselves to get beyond our reasonable boundaries. Friends can motivate us when we’re ready to give in, and they can provide for us when life falls apart. They are there when all is well, and we want someone with whom to share life’s pleasant and memorable moments. We often just want them around to have a good time, to laugh, to act silly, to enjoy some mutually liked activity. In how many ways have friends enriched our lives and made us feel loved, accepted, respected and cared for? Probably, too many to list, and the list grows daily.

EMO date 2011

To my ONE and ONLY APANGS,



Let me start by saying I feel so BLESSED having you in my life, having you so close is too much blessings already, and I thank GOD everyday for that. If someone asks me how to describe you as a person and as a friend, these are the things I would say:
1. You are a beautiful woman in and out. Your heart is as big as your apangs hehehe…not just literally but figuratively…and truly, you are such a good friend..
2. You are so humble. You have done great lengths of pleasing me, yet you have done nothing to make me feel like I owe you that much…that’s humility…and I salute you for that.
3. You are so crazy…just like me….your sense of humor is beyond laughable….you are amazingly funny with your gumption and all….hehehe
4. You are so caring…I still remember the time I was sick and you took time to nurse me, care for me and crying with me…I truly appreciate that from the bottom of my gums…:-0
5. You are so noble for having endured the long hours to work your ass out for your family and loved ones. I may sometimes contradict your decisions when it comes to them, but deep inside I applaud you for having that bravery to face all their troubles.
6. You are one wonderful package in disguise. You may be a small person, but your heart is as big as well…your apangs again…hehehe….seriously, I couldn’t understand how you could care for so many people and be generous with your time and energy for them all….Im lucky Im one of those you spend your time with…thank you.
7. You are so selfless. You give so much of yourself to anyone who needs you and sometimes it becomes a liability…but don’t stop being one…a selfless person has greater rewards in heaven..I know that for a fact.
8. You are so responsible. You took upon you to take care of your family even if you yourself needed tending….but hey, even if it’s a good and heroic gesture, I want to tell you that its not an obligation…so don’t feel guilty when you cant give what they are asking…sometimes, we have to learn to say no…
9. You are an unbelievable friend. The effort you have exerted just to be with me and to our other friends just proved how much you value friendship…and again I want to thank you for that, this time from the bottom of my ingrown…hehehe
10. Lastly, you are my sweetest friend and one of the most special persons in my life. I couldn’t bear losing you. So please promise me you will stay forever in my life….because if you let me I can be your good friend…I love you my dearest apangs….Im saying these things from the bottom of my HEART!!

Love u lots,


Jubang

Correspondence: Email letters

I am sharing my email to a friend who just came by to visit me last weekend..and her reply to that email, I am so blessed to have good friends!!!

-----Original Message-----
From: Juvy Manalastas [mailto:juvym@asianlife.com.ph]
Sent: Wednesday, April 13, 2011 4:24 PM
To: eunicel@asianlife.com.ph
Subject: Goodbye and see you soon
Hello girl, sorry wasn’t able to reply to your messages anymore…I ran out of load… 

Anyway, I want to thank you for making time for me and my friends…or shall I say your CUZNS!!! I had a good talk-time with you and though we don’t hang out much when Im there I know that I got a special place in your heart. So please know that you have a friend in me too!!

I suck at goodbyes too, that’s why I don’t really kiss or hug when going separate ways…it makes me equally sad…  But that’s life, let’s just take each day apart as another day nearer to when we see each other again…

I hope you had a grand time here girl. I hope it gave you another perspective on how family is…its structure, composure and importance. Im happy that you are bridging the gap between you and your siblings….thats a lot of effort to do and I salute you for that… hoping you could visit more…maybe bring along our friends…..that would be so much more exciting… 

Take care always and again, thanks so much…mwah!!!

JUVY N. MANALASTAS
BSA - Dumaguete Branch
139 Real St., Dumaguete City
(035) 2261998/4220786
VOIP: 723
________________



Her reply:

RE: Goodbye and see you soon
Eunice Llaguno [eunicel@asianlife.com.ph]
Sent: Thu 4/14/2011 9:33 AM
To : juvym@asianlife.com.ph


Girl okay lang kahit this morning ko na to nabasa... at least makakapag-emote and medyo mahaba ang reply :)

Thank you Bang for spending your time with me. Oist...BONGACIOUS ang stay ko dyan. As in!!!! Ina-nnounce ko na sya dito. Though di ko muna sinabi na ikaw ang sponsor sa hotel unless okay lang sa yo na sabihin ko yun.

I enjoyed being with my CUZIN(S). Kung hindi lang parang drained ang powers ko nung last night ko, kahit 'til dawn sana. Kasi enjoy pa... Siguro dahil sa "activity" namin nung afternoon kaya walang natirang energy nung sa Hayahay... Hehehe...

Sayang din yung meeting namin ni Andy... may sanib na ko. Bad Trip!!! kaya madami pa ko na babalikan diyan....

Kaya for now, "let’s just take each day apart as another day nearer to when we see each other again…" Na-sad ako when I went out of the office yesterday. Kaya nga buti na lang madalian yung alis para hindi ramdam. Pero nung nasa airport na, ang bigat na naman sa loob. Told you, napag-usapan ka namin ni Daddy Jords... Nalulungkot siya na you are alone and you are not eating the right food.... Oy this is not to discourage you ha? Kasi madaming single na masaya and positive sa buhay and you are one of those. Nasasabi nya yun kasi kay Daddy Jords family ang nakakapagpasaya. Nasabi pa niya na buti na lang daw supported si Zak nila Philip pare hindi ka na masyado stressed sa bagay na yan. Baka pwede pa naman daw kayo ni Philip. Sabi ko, mukhang di uubra yun. Alam mo ba na sabi ba naman hanapan kita? E wala nung qualifications na gusto mo yung di nag-iiwan ng shorts kung saan saan... walang topak... hihihi!!! Pero kelangan mo daw talaga ng someone to take care of you... Yung complement mo... hehe... hopeless romantic talaga asawa ko. Hahaha!!!

Ay naku Bang! talagang we will have more good times pa... diyan sa Dumaguete and kahit dito sa Manila. And "though we don’t hang out much when Im there" basta may chance and magmeet ang schedule, AT INIWAN ka ng lahat, tayo ang gigimik! I like good "talks".... Kahit anu-ano lang... di kelangan mag-isip ng sasabihin yung comfortable ka magkwento na hindi ka huhusgahan.... At yun yung isa sa na-eenjoy ko sa yo....

You are one of those few na may ganiyang level sa buhay ko. Kaya ngayon, na alam mo na, na you've "got a special place in (my)your heart.", I am letting you "know that you have a friend in me too!!" At di na kelangan i-memorize pa... Ibang level naman kasi ang friendship natin e. Hindi kelangan lagi ang usap para i-validate ba na "o kaibigan pa rin ba tayo? o may nagbago ba sa atin? o baka may iba ka ng friend kaya echa pwera na ko...". Ang view ko sa friendship natin is the type that you keep. And that special place that our friendship has in our lives, will always be reserved for that friendship alone na walang pwedeng makapalit.

Enjoy the rest of the day... Matagal ako mag-compose madami palapit lapit... May nagkukwentuhan... Etc... Finally, I've come to my "dead-end"... Take care din Girl and Thank you ulit...

Love you po...

NICE

If you can't get EVEN, just be NICE!

Why do people get revenge when being wronged? Is it that hard to forgive and forget? Why is the emotion of a human being so unstable? Why does each one react differently to a given situation? Why does "regret" comes later?

I have initiated among my friends the act of giving each one a "feel-good" letter. I have given letters to few of my closest friends and it felt good knowing I was able to pinpoint their strengths. Having given them assurance that they have something good in their hearts made them happy, and that was my intention. I have my demons too, yet I have tried hard to be there to these people when they needed me most and I reiterated that on the letters I wrote to them, eventhough some of these people or most of them done me wrong (some just even recently), i just had to look the better side of their character....and there was only one conclusion in mind, I did forgive and moved on....

I treasure my friends so much...I have always been around them and I couldnt even imagine myself letting anyone of them disappear from my life...but there comes a time in your life that you get hurt so much that you just want to alienate yourself because you cant endure the pain anymore...but not necessarily getting revenge just to make them feel the hurt that they have inflicted on you in the first place. I dont believe in the word "revenge"..it is too hateful and too heavy in the heart...what I do is just stay away....until such time I go numb and that person does not affect me anymore...but the process is quite exhilarating, as I am also wishing to understand the person while nursing the pain..

A friend once told me that he cant let anyone cross him...and if someone does, he will make sure the pain inflicted will be more than what he received. I shot back by saying that it shouldnt be the way it is...he should be more forgiving and instead try to understand where the person is coming from...but his mind is closed on that one...that time while talking to him, I had this terrible feeling that this man is quite lost...and seriously, I was really scared....Scared because I realized then that this person has so much hatred in his system, and scared that he has a very shallow definition of having "friends" or relationships for that matter. It got me to thinking, how far could you go for a friend? How patient should you be and how forgiving should one become? Are friends your friends just for the good times? Cant anyone be accepted at his worst? So if you get revenge, dont you regret hurting that person by just doing the act? What is the right definition of a friendship then? Will the relationship be still the same? How do you categorize your friends? Are there friends just for company? Are friends seasonal, really? Seriously?

What am I to my friends? How do they see me as a person and as a friend? Did I pass their standards to deserve the title and be called a "TRUE" friend? Should I really care what they say, does it really matter?

I dont know the answers to these questions, but what I know is I dont call anyone a friend unless they know me, my life, my thoughts....because for me, what is the use of having so many friends but not anyone even know you inside? I want my so-called friends to be a witness of my LIFE and celebrate it with me...if they dont know who "JUBANG" really is, then they are just acquiantances...and yes, I dont get revenge...I just try to be NICE..thats how I am as "FRIEND"!!!

Definitions

Delusions of Grandeur

> a delusion (common in paranoia) that you are much greater and more powerful and influential than you really are
> could possibly feature as a symptom of schizophrenia and manic episodes of bipolar disorder
> generally due to excessive pride, rather than any actual delusions.
> A false belief or opinion
> A false belief strongly held in spite of invalidating evidence, especially as a symptom of mental illness
> a mistaken or misleading opinion, idea, belief, etc
> a mistaken or unfounded opinion or idea; "he has delusions of competence"; "his dreams of vast wealth are a hallucination"

AFFIRMATION

There's this song by Savage Garden entitled "Affirmation", heard this song only 2 weeks ago when on one of our out of town trips, a very close friend of mine sang this song while telling me that the lyrics of same is something to think about...so I did research on it and found out that this song is philosophising about the inequalities of the world from a liberal minded perspective...it is really quite something coz each line starts with "I BELIEVE..."

At times when I am missing my family so much, when loneliness and anxiety of the future overwhelms me, I think of this song and I feel good again coz I believe, each one of us has a role to fulfill in this planet...by God's grace, we can be something in HIS eyes when we just focus our hearts to doing whats good!!

When Im sad and lonely I just have to recite my AFFIRMATION, and I start this with saying: "I'm THANKFUL"

1. I'm thankful that I'm away from home, it makes me independent and strong.
2. I'm thankful that I'm single, it means I'm available...
3. I'm thankful that my son doesnt stay with me everyday, it means he loves his father as much as he loves me.
4. I'm thankful I dont have computer at home now, it means I have more time to commune with myself.
5. I'm thankful that some of my friends betray me, it tests how loyal I am to them.
6. I'm thankful that I run out of money at times, it means I should learn to spend wisely.
7. I'm thankful that I lost my father at age 26, right age to understand death and welcome it.
8. I'm thankful that only few people sees me and feels me, a lot more would confuse me.
9. I'm thankful that I get lonely at times, it means I'm capable of missing someone.
10. I'm thankful that LIFE is hard, it means I'm living IT!!!

So many ways to be grateful, so many ways to live life,so many ways to write it...but one thing is sure...my AFFIRMATION is strengthened because I have a thankful heart!!! Have a great day all!!

My LIFE as it is nearing its 40th

Once again, my birthday is fast approaching. Last year, I celebrated this at a native restobar in a luau inspired party. We had mixed drinks, reggae music, big pillows, a native hut to shelter us and of course, finger foods that were outrageously perfect for the occasion. I just invited my closest friends, and you are rite, it was such a sweet memory to cherish.

Now that another year has passed, I have gained more friends, ditched a few and remained in contact with the old ones. I really dont have plans yet for the BIG 40, but then, that comes a week after my son's birthday, so I was thinking i should get ahead and plan anyway for both events. Well, for Zach, I already bought him a Pokemon Diamond game for his DS ( Thanks to Jovicar Juntilla, Jayjay Dales and Rowena Dayao for sharing to buy this gift). So, I shouldnt be bothered by what to give...but then as a Mom, we always want to give him the best for his bday, and this time he is asking for a remote controlled helicopter. Actually, his godfather already gave him one last Xmas, but he just broke it in one day, yes, ONE DAY! As soon as I arrived at the airport, he hurriedly opened the box, played with it, crashed it a hundred times, and come dinner time, it doesnt fly anymore. Thought it just needed a battery change, but I already bought a lot of replacements, yet it wouldnt even nudge...so thats the history of his helicopter, given and died the same day! So, thats not an option as a gift for now. I was thinking of having a date with him, just like what we did last Saturday.

I had an overtime at work last Saturday and Zach tagged along, after 5pm, we went to the mall for some refreshments. We then decided to watch "Eclipse". Called Kikiw and at 635 we were inside the moviehouse with shakes and a big bucket of popcorn. That was a sweet time for both me and my son, as we were huddled together the entire time while watching the movie. Afterwards, we had dinner at Sunburst which just had their launching. Sunburst is one of dad's favorite chicken restaurant, so it was nostalgic just being inside it. So for me, I'd rather have that time repeated than hold a party for him and for people who just see him every birthday of his. Aint I right?

Now comes the hard part, what am I going to do on my birthday? I have around 20 friends as constant company whenever I go out, should I hold a party for them or just treat it as another "Fly day" and just prepare something special like my favorite food to go with the usual drinks we have. Whaddayathink?

But what is really important that is going to happen on my 40th? Wow, couldnt really fathom the importance, but I think Im getting my way around it now. Have I achieved enough to make myself proud being 40? What have I contributed to my son, to my family, my community and to the world? Did I even do something relevant? Are the people around me enough testimonies of the kind of life I have lived? Have I been a blessing to others? Is my life worth reliving all over again? What traits need to be changed and what values need to be added? Is my 40th birthday a real BIG one?

As I am nearing my 40th, Im beginning to have goosebumps....afraid of the unknown, yet curious enough to trod the road not taken. I am nearing my 40th, and despite the anxiety of finally hitting the BIG FOUR, I am proud to be in that roll. Yes, Im nearing my 40th birthday, and I am blessed to have reached this far...

From my picture tube: "The Bucket List"

How do you face death? That's the gist of the movie. How do you fulfill your goals and ambitions in life when you know that clock is ticking, would you dare to do things you wish you have done long time ago, or do things you only dream of doing or do things you think you cant do??

This is a sentimental movie that would touch your emotions. The main characters Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman has an opposite showing of characters but both found friendship from each other in the end. The "Bucket List" in many respects is a good happy fairy tale that most ordinary folks would dream about before they die, yet the character types played by Nicholson and Freeman make it so believable.

Never mind the flaws of the movie, what I like is the whole concept of having to meet someone opposite of you and slowly gravitating to like that stranger then learn to appreciate that someone because you are in the same boat, and learning that differences do make you accept and understand each other. That life has meaning when you put importance to people around you. Its a journey of lessons and discovery...and arent we all in this world here for exactly the same thing?

Sometimes we are so afraid to look whats lurking out there in the dark, sometimes life takes its toll on us that we just let it slip by without really doing anything. We wake up, go to work, earn a living, go home to our kids, cook dinner then rest to bed to wake up to another day of routine....have we really done something so out of extraordinary lately? Not that I encourage everyone to sky dive like what Jack and Morgan did, but have we taken a good look of our perspectives in life? Are we one shot closer to our goals? What about relationships? What about our spirituality? Are we healed and cleansed? Did we love enough? Did we make people happy? Have we touched their lives?

Life and love equate with one another because we cant live without love and we cant go on loving if life has abandoned us. I would never trade the feeling of love for anything in this world. In love comes hurting, but thats perfectly fine....thats just what makes you love more fiercely..and thats next to magical. If death is finally taking over my life, I would spend my last minutes LOVING...loving GOD, loving my SON, loving my family, and my friends and even my enemies...I'd never get tired of loving them until my last grasp of breath...because in my Bucket List: LOVE is in all numbers!!!