Last December, I thought 2010 would be exciting for me...coz so many unexpected things happened....to my delight! But boy, was I so wrong to expect too much??
1. Last January 3, 2010 - a gay friend who I am helping with (get on with his life from the pits)stole my stuff. Not that I wasnt able to recover it back ( I did recover some items)...but filing a case and making affidavits is one helluva stressful....especially if the people involved are not really serious in helping out. Im still in the preliminary investigation but its taking a lot of emotions out of me. The representative of the pawnshop who could identify the thief wont sign the affidavit, the conductor of the bus who received the other items returned couldn't be traced. It seems that the burden is on me....right at this very moment, Im giving it up...I would never be able to find justice for the this coz Im just dropping it out of exhaustion!
2. My finances are affected by the unfortunate circumstances that happened early on...when I'm bothered, I tend to splurge on food and bring all friends I could gather....not minding that the green bucks are dwindling inside the zippered container. I am not really good in handling my finances and I think I'm getting worse now...my buy and sell business has not shown any good returns coz the traders aren't paying on time and worse, not paying at all...I still end up paying the supplier in full..plus of course unexpected but necessary expenses for the items i needed to redeem because of the thief's doing....
3. Apartment is fine it just that sometimes tenants pay late, I end up paying their bills so as not to pay penalties...but I end up forgetting about it, still depositing the amount supposed to be mine for the taking...grrrr!
4. Zach is growing up to be independent in some ways and it comes across as arrogance to me...He breaks my heart easily...sometimes, he makes me feel I aint good a mother....always complaining of what i provide, always looking for something I couldnt provide, always grouchy, always whiny....he must have been comparing what he has with his father and what I have, of course I am no match to his papa...i got nothing to boast except that I know deep in my heart, I want whats best for him and I just really hope my son could feel that eventhough that our set up is not really the ideal one...
5. Realizing that the friends/family I tried to hold on to are the very same ones who let me down so badly....it always boil down to two things...money matters and person's character....my mother is right, I am just like my father, blinded by the laughter around me...but when it comes to choosing friends, Im a sucker! I am impressionable, when a person makes me laugh, I tend to not see things I should watch out for....I forget that i am being vulnerable and gullible..all in the name of friendships...and in love, well Im the same old me, falls deeply...hurts more deeply!
So yeah, 2010 is starting really bad...I can let go of my possessions, let go of people who give me headaches..but i will never let go of how I treat myself..and that is to treat myself with respect and dignity...if people take away those from me....I let go of those robbers!!! I am hurt, really hurt with whats unfolding before my eyes...and I guess the pain will stay forever!
Wow, 2010 is really roaring at me with a vengeance...i cant handle this power tiger...not a day more...so Help Me GOD!
